blackrose_happiness

nothing beats two lolita bffs with something in common...

(pix from Miss Lumpy)

Some while ago (short term memory loss...can't remember when~~) our ESLS teacher gave us another essay task. This time it's an individual work. Horrors coz I'm disintegrating - the last essay proved everything. Anyways that's not my point now, my point lies in the choice of topics she gave us. One was about the causes of happiness, the other being the effects of obesity, the rest were regarding illiteracy and poverty, which was soo not my thing. At first I was planning to do that happiness thingie, but considering that I was never entirely happy, either with myself or with others (talk about pessimism... "Everything's plastic...we're all gonna die anyway" - Elizabeth Wurtzel in Prozac Nation), I decided that I was not in the position of writing such essay. After all, what do I know about happiness anyway? Most of the time it'll be that adrenaline/dopamine/serotonin rush I got when I accidentally/deliberately cut myself, but I'm sure Miss Albita won't accept that as a legitimate point. So I chose obesity. Haha.

Leana chose that happiness topic. And she told me something that has struck me deep in my heart. Not that she hurt my feelings or anything, but her point reminded me of something. Myself. Her point was "being on common ground makes us happy".

(is the preposition correct? told you I'm disintegrating)

Undisputable. Being on common ground makes you happy. When you're in a group of like-minded people, you will feel a lot happier. If you can find something in common with that person you've just met yesterday, chances are your relationship will go far. People with more or less the same experience in life will become more understanding towards each other. Despite being grounded for a week by your parents, you can still feel happy because your other self-mutilating friends will always be there for you, giving encouragement while they watch you cut yourself live via webcam (NOT my own experience!!). Simply put, people feel better when they're included; when they know that they won't be put aside for not having anything in common with the people they are conversing/dealing with.

When you and your friends love, say, Evanescence, you could spend the whole day (week?) listening to their songs, make amateur reviews about Call Me When You're Sober, imitating Amy Lee's looks or arguing about whether the band is a goth band or an emo band. When your friend loves Super Junior while you indulge yourself in David Guetta (he's a house music DJ/producer in case you don't know), you'll find yourself wishing that David Guetta has as big a fanbase here in Malaysia as SuJu's. You can always talk about David with your friend, but chances are he/she would prefer to hear you babble about David Archuleta instead. Which you would not, considering that you listen to house music. Worse, when everyone in your class love Super Junior yet none of them love the said house music DJ David, you'll end up lost in the middle of their merry conversation about all 13 members of the group. (All scenarios do not reflect real events)

And later you'll develop an illusion of being rejected by the crowd. Which would be bad coz being social animals, humans love to be a part of a group, or an organisation.

So what would you do when you can't find anything in common with the people around you (around you means people you can get access to/meet with, not some strangers from chatrooms or forums)? Stay emo and cut yourself? Tell the whole world you are alone and nobody understands you? Choose to be what you are and face the risk of being alienated? (These sound familiar to you? Don't answer)

Most of us would automatically adapt, trying to 'fit in the crowd' by immersing ourselves into whatever heck those people were enjoying. When you're the minority you have little choice but to do so. But this poses the risk of losing your 'identity', making you look like 'just another stereotypical girl/boy among stereotypical people'.Therefore, those who are unbearably stubborn in terms of self-identity might want to consider 'infecting' the majority by exposing them to any curiosities you are getting into. Compared to the former, this has proven to be extremely difficult, especially when the 'victims' fall under the unbearably stubborn group as well. Can't fit either one? Then the only option left would be sinking yourself down to the endless pit of loneliness. You listen to your own types of music, watch your own types of movies, wear your own types of clothes, have random conversation with random people on the Web, all the while complaining about not having people to actually understand you ('understand' is a very hyperbolic word, please bear in mind).

Not that I'm trying to tell you that two or more people with nothing in common can't be good friends, but it's just that people feel happier when they have like-minded friends around (some exceptions apply, especially for those bizarre types whose hobby is to get the most random set of friends possible. Believe me, there are people like that). For those without common grounds, intimacy/close bonds can still be formed, but often compromise is needed to ensure that the relationship lasts longer. Some people prefer like-minded friends than friends with less affinity, but this doesn't mean that you have to be dumped by your bff just because you enjoy Malay novels while she and her other friends love Twilight Saga (again, just an example).

As for me, I personally believe that one should find that said common ground within his or her community/network, and make him/herself feel included within that niche so as to avoid cutting. No, wrong. I would opt for that sink into the bottomless pit of loneliness whatsoever thingie, but since it's not an entirely good thing to do (especially when you're refraining yourself from doing cutting again), I would try and find that common ground. Wherever/whatever it is.

So let's all find our common ground and live a happier life together XD