the ocean also dreams (a song meme - Goa trance version!)

Nobody tagged me, but I still feel like making one here. Lame meme is lame, but who cares? XD

RULES :

1.Put your music library on shuffle.

2.For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3.You must write that song title as the answer to the question, no matter how silly it sounds! Most of the time they seem to work though, strangely enough.

Ok, go!

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” you say

Zero by Astral Projection

2. How would you describe yourself?

Kumba Mela by Cosmix & Etnica (what dude seriously?)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?

One Blinding Illumination by Cosmosis

4. How do you feel today?

Gift of the Gods by Cosmosis

5. What is your life’s purpose?

Fluorostani Transcendance by Unconscious Collective

6. What's your motto?

Navras by Juno Reactor (awesome)

7. What do your friends think of you?

Reload by Deedrah

8. What do you think of your parents?

Maian Dream by Astral Projection (!)

9. What do you think about very often?

Radioactive Rain by Infected Mushroom (typical of me)

10. What is 2 + 2?

Mai Mai by Jaia

11. What do you think of your best friend(s)?

Astral Way by Etnica

12. What do you think of the person you like?

The Flame of Eternal Life by Chi-AD (gila awesome Raphael)

13. What is your life story?

Astral Warrior by Chi-AD (yeah!)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Liquid Sun by Astral Projection (ha!)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Imagine if the World Was On Trip by X-Dream (oh yes, imagine....... )

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?

Spiritual Beings in Physical Bodies by Shakta (trance dance I reckon...)

17. What will they play at your funeral?

Dracul by Infected Mushroom (appropriate weh!)

18. What is your biggest fear?

The Prophecy by Astral Projection (Hari Kiamat kah?)

19. What is your biggest secret?

People Can Fly by Astral Projection (yes I can fly! In my lucid dream and in reality! XD)

20. What will you post this as?

The Ocean Also Dreams - Chi AD

Doesn't make sense, eh?

Alice

entry marah

1. Aku nak buat pengumuman, sekarang ni aku dah tak kisah lagi kalau sesiapa nak tegur aku depan-depan. In fact, I prefer it to be that way. Especially bila melibatkan keadaan di mana aku kena menghadapi orang ramai. Just cakap straight to my face, I would appreciate it very much (provided cakap tu baik-baik la, jangan terus terkam serbu je). If you don't have the guts to tell me face to face pun, tak perlu la jeling-jeling or bisik-bisik belakang aku. Kalau benda tu memang betul kenapa takut? FYI, telinga aku telinga lintah and I can easily overhear conversations about me within a one-metre radius. So daripada aku find out cara macam tu lepas tu bermusuhan dengan kau selama tujuh keturunan baik kau cakap depan-depan. Ini tak ada kena mengena dengan budak INTEC.
2. Boleh tak lelaki loser jangan kacau hidup aku lagi? Which part of "I'm not interested in romantic relationship with guys" don't you understand? No, of course aku bukan lesbian walaupun aku ada fiancée bernama Nurul Izzati, tapi aku ada sebab kenapa aku tak nak terikat dengan apa jenis romantic relationship pun dengan mana-mana lelaki especially them loser despo types. Nak tau sebab apa? Aku geli geleman! (ini cue untuk tak tanya further questions) Having said that, please stop any attempt to usha/tackle/etc dengan menggunakan terms of endearment, kalau dah stranger* tu buat cara stranger. [Ex] Boyfriend aku pun aku tak bagi guna perkataan macam tu apatah lagi kau yang entah sapa-sapa.
3. Duuuuuuude. Orang Melayu kalau kerja dengki-dengki aje bila nak maju duuuuuude. Kalau mak aku nak buat nasi lemak untuk cover ketiadaan nasi lemak kau sebab kau pemalas nak berniaga kerja ponteng aje so what duuuuude? Bukannya the next day orang terus tak nak beli nasi lemak kau pun dude! Kalau orang tak nak beli pun bukan salah mak aku dude, salah kau jugak masak cincai-cincai tapi naikkan harga macam kau masak guna petrol RON 97! Bila aku komplen kau kata harga barang naik. Dude, kau masak nasi lemak guna gula 3 kampit sehari ke dude?
4. Last but not least, I despise red tape, but it seems like the world goes round because of it. Nasib baik SKB aku diperbetulkan dalam masa 10 minit je, kalau tak dengan Julian Assange sekali aku sembur walaupun kurang berkaitan tapi ada jugak kaitan.

Bersyukurlah dilahirkan sebagai perempuan because you'll always have hormones to be blamed

Alice

*stranger: everybody outside your basic family member. Bergantung kepada keadaan, suami boleh jadi stranger jugak, and so does your BFF for 6 years

the bittersweet SACE result

what I actually wrote and kept as a draft the day before I got my result:

"Let me tell you something. It's not in my nature to reveal my target on anything (unless if it's obvious - like SPM, ofkos la aku KENA dapat 10 A1 yaww). But this time I felt compelled to do so because, uh, I don't know.

ATAR at least 94

All A's - INCLUDING Maths. Impossible? Who cares!!

At least 1 merit - I'm hoping it's Chemistry.

Of course I'll be content with ATAR Cukup-cukup Sembilan Puluh Dua as long as I get to go to Otago, but I'm determined. It makes me cry to think that I have been anything but excellent during my college years (as compared to me during my school years), so I really hope that things will be changed this time. I painfully realized that I didn't put much effort in AUSMAT (read: tido, internet berjam-jam, study bila nak exam aje), but who knows what God has in store for me, right?"

16th of December was D-day. I was up at 5.30 am for sahur when I received messages from my friends asking me how did I do in SACE. Naturally, I, being the person who finds it difficult to face the reality, resumed my slumber instead of going online to check the result. When I finally woke up for good, it was time to goreng kuih and it was 9 am when I finally got the opportunity to turn on the computer and log on to www.sace.sa.edu.au to check my results.

I cried when I saw what's displayed in front of the computer screen.

Alhamdulillah, I managed to achieve my every target, even getting an A for Maths! I couldn't describe how shocked I was. Shocked, really, because I only targeted for ATAR 94, but God gave me way more than that. Shocked, because I knew that my dream of getting straight A's would only remain a dream with Maths blocking my way, but God finally granted my wish. Shocked, because all the talk of getting a merit would not fit an extremely lazy person that I am, but God gave me the opportunity to achieve what I thought couldn't be achieved. For that, I am extremely grateful. Thank you Allah.

Of course, deep in my heart, I felt like I didn't deserve it. I have to admit, my efforts are very minuscule compared to other people. I was never the one who could study round the clock, harnessing every single materials I could get my hands on. I tried that, but I couldn't. My mind was so accustomed to the laid-back method that I've been using since my school days that when I finally pushed it to work harder to cope with AUSMAT's gruesome schedule and expectations, all systems began to overload. Or something close to that. Back in my school days, I kept stressing over the fact that I couldn't be half as hardworking as most people in my class, leading to several cutting sessions (because of the whole goddamn inferiority complex thingie lol). That was until a friend said to me "dude, kau ada cara sendiri, diorang ada cara sendiri. kau ada kelebihan dalam part lain, diorang ada kelebihan dalam part lain. so just go with your own method!" (quote telah diparaphrase).

So in order to achieve my mission to reach my first anniversary of being free from cutting, I took my friend's advice and study at my own pace. Although it is indeed fatal for my academic achievement (please refer to previous posts under the label 'AUSMAT'), it's better than adding another scar on my hand by doing things I'm not fond of. Of course it's a very bad feeling, especially when considering the fact that I did much better at school than I did in AUSMAT, but after a year and a half, I had become calloused already. I just leave it to God, let He determine what's best for me. I would be grateful enough if He gave me something which befits my efforts for one year and a half, like, say, ATAR Cukup-cukup Sembilan Puluh Dua (or less than that, I think). But if He wants to give me more, I would be more than elated.

At the end of the day, I believe it's about doing things your own way, praying and tawakkal. "Your own way" may mean staying up until 3 am to study, camping at the study room/library, or playing DotA while browsing through your Specialist Mathematics notes; it basically depends on which method you are comfortable with (I know I'm not comfortable with camping at the library lol). Just because others have their own study ritual doesn't mean you have to follow them bulat-bulat (well, of course you can if you want AND if you have the capability though). At the same time, "I can't do this bawww" should not be an excuse for you not to do anything either. Dude, who am I to say this anyway hahahahaha.

This post is unrelated to anything or anybody. Just feel like writing because I can.

Alice

p/s: Berbaktilah kepada haiwan nescaya haiwan akan mendoakan kemurahan rezeki kita

p/p/s: Remember the elevator dream? Apparently my dream deciphering is correct!

permata hijrah? permata sadomasochism lah!

Today mom brought me to Permata Hijrah for my 'sinusitis treatment'. Despite me convincing everybody that my disease is allergic rhinitis and not resdung, mom said that Permata Hijrah's method is worth trying no matter what histamines/virus/bacteria/creatures you are breeding in your sinus, so yeah, she's bringing me there. As a future pharmacist who spends her day flipping through MIMS Annual and Googles like hell whenever she receives a rather new medicine, Alice here is a bit skeptical about this whole Permata Hijrah thingie. Yeah, I gotta admit, the treatment method is rather attractive (according to mom and what I saw on TV, the treatment involves them 'vacuuming' out how many litres of mucus you have in your nasal cavity. Not really vacuuming though, but at the end of the treatment you're supposed to be free of mucus or something), but I don't see how a disease associated with faulty histamines can be cured by vacuuming out mucus. But yeah, worth trying. Kalau tak usaha macamana nak senang kan *shrugs*

So I went there, feeling a bit nervous. I haven't done my homework on that particular thing so I don't have any clue on how it will work, or what method they will use in order to purge out mucus from my nose. It may be very painful. Last thing I want is to feel intense pain today, dah la esok nak dapat result ngaummm. After the registration and whatnots, I was brought into the treatment room by one akak.

First thing she asked me to do is to shove two cotton buds soaked with Ubat Telinga Whatsoever into my ear canal as deep as I could. Paranoia #01: I am afraid of putting things into my ears that deep. Gila kau! Aku tau la guna cotton buds, tapi eardrum aku sensitif tau! Besides, it's painful! Turns out it was painful, but in a weird way. My ear canal, which I thought was full of wax or something, gave way to the cotton buds easily. And then, they move on their own. In and out, in and out. Now I have two cotton buds raping my ears! It was terrifying I almost cried! Haha, a bit exaggerating there, but yeah, I almost cried. And I haven't gone to the actual treatment part yet! Damn my low pain threshold.

Note: I didn't ask them, but I'm assuming that the ear raping treatment is necessary because sinusitis is an ENT disease, so of course you need to treat your ears as well. Though in this case, they could at least ask me "ada sakit telinga, nanah kat telinga, etc tak?" before doing so.

After asking me whether I hear any sound in my ear (me: of course I heard something. I hear them cotton buds raping my ears! akak: 30% ada resdung), she proceeded to the actual resdung treatment. She made me inhale some kind of herbal powder, which stung like hell, and told me "Kalau nak bersin, bersinlah". It took me a while to sneeze, which was of course torturous - you know the feeling when you're about to sneeze but in the end nothing came out? Imagine feeling that for 3 minutes. And when I finally sneezed, it was a total of 12 or so sneezes. Awesome. At this point, I was beginning to feel a bit suspicious. What I felt after inhaling the powder (non-stop sneezing, mucus overflow) was similar to the events in which my histamines were beginning to work overtime. Like I inhaled a big chunk of allergen!

As soon as she realized that I'm drowning in my own mucus, she began massaging my face to let them mucus out. And hell, what a lot of mucus I have!

Here's a picture to let you understand further. Sorry for its gross factor. You should see mine.

At first I was pleased with the result, though a bit tak puas hati because I felt like all the mucus came from my allergic reaction with the 'herbal powder'. When you're practically drowning in your own nasal secretions during a severe histamine attack, you will feel overly grateful looking at the long trails of mucus coming out of your own nose. Of course, I have high hopes that this particular treatment will eventually make me mucus-free (although part of me tells me that it's impossible - you don't have a reservoir of mucus inside your nasal cavity, they are secreted by my frickin mucous membrane and an overflow will only occur if histamines are in action!). Several nose-blowing moments later, I knew I was wrong.

I had a total of four painful rounds of mucus expelling. Okay the first round involved her massaging my sinus area to expel mucus, so that's not really painful. But when she began inserting two cotton buds dipped in the above herbal powder into my nasal cavity, I felt like getting up and shove them herbal whatsoever shites into her nasal cavity. GILA PERIIITTTT!!!! Just imagine having someone inserting cotton buds laden with paprika up your nose as deep as they could get. It's that bad, I swear. I fought the urge to slap her and run out of the room, and endured the treatment with clenched teeth and fists. I looked at mom with tears-filled eyes that screamed "PLEASE MOM MAKE HER STOP!" but she just nodded apologetically. Done with the first round of gruesome facial massage, she asked me to blow my nose as hard as I could to expel the remaining mucus in my nose. As hard as I could meaning I have to blow until my blood vessels were about to rupture (I silently hoped they would so that I could sue Permata Hijrah or something). She asked me afterwards, "Rasa tersumbat lagi tak?" Of course I had to say yes, because apparently after all those mucus expelling and blood vessel bursting there are still loads of mucus in my nose because THE HISTAMINES TRIGGERED THE CONSTANT PRODUCTION OF MUCUS FROM MY NOSE DAMMIT! I thought that she would proceed with a different treatment method, but as soon as I saw her holding two more cotton buds I knew I would be tortured yet again. And the cycle continued for two more rounds. Good thing she didn't use the dreaded herbal powder for the third and fourth round (she used some 'ubat resdung' liquid which feels quite minty), but still, the pain was still unbearable because she once again shoved them cotton buds deep into my nostrils. After everything was done, she asked me the dreaded question again, "Rasa tersumbat lagi tak?" This time I had to say no. I don't care if my mom paid RM50 for this utterly unscientific and nonclinical treatment, I want you to stop this shite and get me out of here!!!

So I went out of the treatment room teary-eyed. The akak told my mom that I have loads of mucus in my nasal cavity, and recommended her to buy me a bottle of herbal capsules worth RM100+ to 'cure my resdung' because apparently the capsules can 'cure resdung altogether from the roots, not just eliminate the symptoms'. Mom said she did not bring extra money with her, so the akak told her to at least buy a different kind of herbal capsules to 'alleviate my symptoms of resdung', which costed RM25. Determined to make me feel better, she said yes, and she paid a total of RM75 for the treatment and the capsules. Before we left, the akak and her colleague at the registration counter asked me how old I am and what I'm currently studying. With my renowned acid face, I told them that I'll be going to NZ to study PHARMACY and find cure for my RHINITIS. With that, I left the premise.

Look, I'm not trying to be ungrateful over what mom had done to alleviate my daily sufferings, I just felt cheated. Not mom's fault in any way, it's the people at PH who should be blamed. I mean, it's okay if you want to introduce alternative healing methods to cure sickness which could not be cured by modern medicine, but to do so by assuming that all diseases involving the nose is resdung is just, uh. FYI, after the treatment I Googled like hell about other people's reactions on the PH resdung treatment. Amidst the tons of "aku tengok video orang buat rawatan resdung keluar ulat resdung" (which is bullshit if you ask me), people did not complain much on the treatment. But then again, maybe they do have resdung in its entirety (and not rhinitis like I have here), or even if they also have rhinitis, they do not know much about the nature of the disease. I'm yet to find a proper MD who writes about this particular resdung treatment. Maybe I should ask my doctor about this.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but at this moment I'm still having the worst bout of rhinitis attack in my life. Either way, I'm so not going back to do my second treatment, I'll just stick to my kidney-destroying cetirizine HCl thank you.

inb4 sokong produk kafir tak sokong produk Islamik Bumiputera

Alice

p/s: akak tu cakap aku kena pantang makan, tak boleh makan makanan bergoreng, seafood, AIS (gila kau pantang ais JB ni panas kot!). Dalam hati aku cakap to hell with pantang, aku allergik habuk la bebeh

december loliday 2010 / sewing project completed!

Last 4th of December was the International Lolita Day. Since I can't find myself a proper lolita friend who lives in JB (come on, that would be impossible. I don't even have a proper friend in JB, let alone a lolita one), I celebrated it alone like my previous Lolidays. Only, instead of wandering around City Square aimlessly in hope to find a random fellow lolita or two, I went to Danga Bay to celebrate it. Wait, that's not entirely true. I celebrated Loliday at Danga Bay a day after Loliday because like last year's one, Mom had enormous kuih orders to be made that day and I can't just leave her to do them alone without lending a hand or two really. I was paid after all yaww XD.

But I did manage to wear lolita on Loliday, despite me needing to do my medical checkup for that NZ student visa. Annoyed the clinic assistants like hell with my layers of clothes. Also managed to drop by Persada for a while to check out the PC Expo there (didn't buy anything, too skint already) and went to City Square in search for a fellow loli freak. Sheesh, looks like City Square should be my official Loliday venue after all. Padahal bukan ada apa-apa pun kat situ lol.

Anyhoo, like my previous Lolidays, I would set myself a special Loliday sewing project. First it was the black OP surgery, then it's the epic JSK recon project. This Loliday, however, I wanted to upgrade my sewing skills and decided to make a JSK from scratch, completely hand-sewn. Yup, that's right, completely hand-sewn, no machines whatsoever, just thread and needles and rulers (and a bunch of pro seamstress friends XD). Of course, I didn't believe I can complete it in two weeks' time either, but somehow I did. And here's the result:

Hand-sewing a JSK is not an impossibility XD

Bodice. Seriously I had a difficult time making it because I didn't have any clue on how to make a bodice. But thanks to Chark, I managed :D

I actually wanted to include a bib on the JSK, but since I'm hand-sewing everything (hence I can't make any freakin pintucks - that would be disastrous) I cancelled the plan and made an over-easy JSK instead. Don't have much time dude *shrugs*

Wearing my new JSK, I headed to Danga Bay, hoping that the lovely Rose Garden Cafe at Festive Street Mall still exists. To my utter disappointment, the whole Festive Street Mall had ceased to be an abandoned building. The hell?? Last time I went there everything were still in place! (That was a year ago though) Since I no longer have a proper place to have my Loliday tea party, I decided to walk around aimlessly around the area and enjoy the late afternoon scenery.

Don't you just wish it was sunset/moonrise? - Goa trance freak Alice

Since it was weekend, people started visiting the amusement park (or whatever) much earlier than usual. Already at 4 pm, the grand carousel was up and running, with several little girls riding the lovely little horses accompanied by their mothers. How I wish I could take a ride on the carousel as well, it's so damn beautiful. But uh, enough with me walking around wearing a dress which looked like it was designed to be worn by a five-year-old girl - I totally didn't want to appear too adult baby-ish to the people by riding the carousel. Of course I was heartbroken - carousels are so rori, and things would be different if I'm not alone, but, yeah *sigh*

Grand carousel

Y'know, it's a shame I didn't manage to take a pic of me anywhere near the carousel. Next Loliday I demand people with DSLR to take my pic here. Wait, I don't want my next Loliday to be in Malaysia. Wellington sounds nice.

Here's my coord for the day. Chopped legs awesomeness.

I can't smile. My petti is dead. And if you're wondering, I was listening to Chi-A.D. Cannot take off headphones.

After I was quite satisfied with my walk around aimlessly session, it was time to go home. But I was still disappointed with not being able to have my afternoon tea at Rose Garden Cafe, so I went to Secret Recipe at Perling Mall and had my customary Loliday cake (only, this time it was once again a brownie - I can no longer eat a full slice of Secret Recipe cake alone. Muak doh!)

yang ni pun tak habis

I think I kinda enjoyed this year's Loliday more than the previous ones - probably due to the fact that I have successfully finished my first hand-sewn JSK , or probably because this could be my last Loliday here (please let it be! please let it be! Amin!! <--- results will be out this week). I honestly feel that I have learned a lot about Lolita since last year's December Loliday, and I hope to be a much better lolita than I am now after this. Next Loliday mission: get Melty Chocolate!

Wishing you a VERY UTTERLY belated International Lolita Day,

Alice

loliday plans and yay my jsk is almost complete!

Project Update

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