philosophy of time travel

Hi there. Went back from Shah Alam earlier today, for my Merit Certificate Ceremony something. Left JB yesterday with a crippling abdominal pain, and after a brief consultation with the doctor at Klinik Waqaf An-Nur (which is an awesome clinic, especially if you have financial difficulties), I was finally diagnosed with gastritis. Uh, well, I've been diagnosing myself with gastritis since forever, but yeah, never had any official diagnosis until now. So thanks to the crippling pain, I'm now on cimetidine and hyoscine butylbromide and finally, my hypochondriac self-diagnosis is certified to be true. So kids, if by any chance you're interested in self-harming to get attention whatsoever in your early teenage years, do not choose to starve yourself. Don't skip breakfast. And don't attempt to get overdosed on NSAIDs (uh, not that I've ever taken NSAIDs before - paracetamol is not anti-inflammatory - nor do I ever attempt to OD on any drugs, but you get my point). Pesanan penaja ini dibawa khas oleh Kementerian Kesihatan. Baca label sebelum menggunakan ubat.

Uh, where were we? Oh yeah, the Merit Cert thingie. Like I've mentioned in my previous posts, I was hoping for a merit, but definitely didn't expect two merits, especially when one of them is for the dreaded ESLS. Hell, I didn't even bother to check my grandma here kot! Thank Allah for that. Turns out I was among those People You Wouldn't Expect to Get Merit Whatsoever, i.e. not in the same category as Jeffrey and Hajar. Definitely not in the same category as Jeffrey. He whom the Director of INTEC knows personally, who have awesome people skills, who went around giving cards to every single AUSMAT lecturers, who have mesmerizing voice. Eh wait, I didn't mean to sound jealous or whatever la, I was just pointing out the obvious. Those who follow my Findings From My Anthology Studies series will understand that those who can connect with people better, and have superior interpersonal skills, will more likely be successful in whatever they're doing compared to their antisocial-ish peers. Individualism is a thing of the past, and since people are so engrossed with teamwork and stuffs like that nowadays, interpersonal skill is what you MUST have in order to survive. In other words, they didn't care about your natural tendency to be shy or among people, you have to shove your true personality aside and blend with the rest of the fake smiling crowd to climb the corporate ladder. I honestly think that while some people may be born with that natural charm, many people merely pretend to be 'friendly' for their own good. Doesn't matter if you don't like certain individuals, just wear that fake smile to portray that 'pleasant' imagery of yours, and people will start worshipping you in no time. No, this has nothing to do with Jeffrey at all. Just something I've been thinking for a very long time.

But then again, what you might refer as 'your default personality' may not even be default at all. Some people claim that it's in their blood, it can't be helped that they're not people friendly like the rest of their peers, that God has made them that way and there's no way to change it. Very few people realize that personalities are decided by our own self. We are the one who determine who we want to be, what sort of responsibility do we want to hold, our reasons to live in this world. To quote the philosophy professor in Waking Life: "... we should never simply write ourselves off or see each other as a victim of various forces. It's always our decision who we are." So I guess you could decide whether or not you want to be quiet, or talkative, or rebellious. What you are today may be determined by your actions and decisions in your earlier stage of life (I always thought that one of the reasons why I seem to be very very quiet is because I couldn't be bothered to connect with people back then when I was younger. This resulted in me refusing to make any effort to be friendly or learn vital social skills, hence making the the socially awkward person that I am today.) I guess you could even apply this to them "Saya Gay, Saya OK" people out there. You choose your own destiny and what you want to be peeps. Don't blame natural selection whatsoever in this case.

Wow, those are some seriously detached writings I've got there. I can never write a full book based from my dissertation later (what book? the "Fighting Rhinitis By Gene Therapy Which Is Absurd Because Histamines Are Part Of Our Defence Mechanism"?"Immunotoxicology For Dummies"?). Anyhoo, title is such because I've been highly interested in the theory of wormholes these days. Maybe it's influenced by Fringe, or John Connolly's The Gates, or Crichton's Sphere, or all those CERN- and quantum physics-related stuffs (and Goa stuffs - you would be amazed) I've been Googling for the past few weeks, but I do find them interesting. There's an infinite number of parallel universe multiverse, and by travelling through wormholes you might be able to travel to other bizarre places. Like the fifth dimension, or the universe where everybody still wear neon leotards and have bad mullets, or someplace where you can have Salviatrip just by breathing in air. The possibilities are endless. I would love to go back to the Rococo era, but that would be too clichéd for a lolita like me. Maybe that universe with Salvia-saturated atmosphere would be awesome. I would be happy to travel to that universe hahaha.

Thanks for reading by the way despite me being in my twisted mood

Alice

like any other blogs, a new year post

2010 had been a wonderful year for me, a year of achievement. Ececeh, mukadimah gila poyo. But it's no doubt that 2010 had been better than my previous years, because

1. I celebrated my first year of no cutting
2. I passed my IELTS with my desired band
3. I passed my Otago interview
4. I became more active in lolita fashion, including managed to make my first handmade JSK
5. I managed to complete my internal assessments okayly (hahaha gila word)
6. I passed my SACE with flying colours, and got two merits in the process
7. I had reached my goal of getting lucid dreams once per week
8. I graduated from AUSMAT, the "toughest preparation program in INTEC"
9. I had awesome people as classmates and lecturers
10. I, uh, survived the year without falling for someone? XDDDD

Alhamdulillah, thank God for every bits of happiness that He gave me throughout the year. And thank God for every bits of uncomfortable moments as well, because they taught me something about life (like, recently I've learnt that it's always a bad thing to keep things from your acquaintances, especially benda2 yang ko tak puas hati. Baik cakap awal-awal daripada accumulate banyak-banyak di kemudian hari).

For 2011, although I'm not the one who makes (and keeps!) resolutions every time a new year arrives (my resolution for 2010, like the previous years starting from 2006, is to be more organised - I'm pretty sure I'm still a disorganised person by the time I'm writing this!), I thought it would be cool to list down my goals for 2011. After all, those who fail to plan, plan to fail right? Hahahahahahaha XD

So here goes nothing:

Alice's List of Things She Might Wouldn't Even Achieve Being A Pessimist That She Always Is

1. Stop being too pessimistic!
2. Be organised. Just organised, not "more organised" because I was never an organised person to start with
3. Reach 2nd year of being sober free from cutting. April is not long from now, go bebeh go!
4. Have at least two lucid dreams per week. By the end of the year, must have at least one lucid dream every alternate days.
5. Read more books, including deep philosophical stuffs. And physics stuffs, because I suck at physics.
6. Should I find any headshop at NZ, refrain self from buying LSD/peyote/Salvia/DMT (shoot, think I've found one)
7. Survive Health Science First Year with more than B. Get Dean's List or whatever (awwww Prof. Duffull~~)
8. Under the conditions in which I fail to pass HSFY with at least a B, beg JPA to allow me to take pharmacology
9. Survive first year at NZ with as little tears as possible. Aw shucks.
10. Make more lolita outfits. Assemble a hippie loli coord!
11. Reduce compulsive buying. Since 'stop compulsive buying' is too harsh, reducing em will do
12. Uhhh... socialize more?
13. Get Melty Chocolate replica
14. Update blogs moarrrr!!!!11!11!
15. No romantic relationships whatsoever. Exceptions only apply if I manage to find Raphael
16. Increase study hours. Less time online. Erk, contradict #14
17. Improve music making skills. Make more songs. Explore other sub-genres, like, uh, breakbeat?
18. Speak more English. Well, speak more in general. Resurrect grandma grammar
19. Stop pendam-pendam hahahahaha
20. Be less dependent and more independent
21. Be a better muslimah and be closer to God :D
22. The list goes on

Don't know if I will manage to achieve all of them though. Anyhoo, I do look forward to whatever in store for me this year. Marilah 2011!

By the way, thank you for following! (kes dah baru cecah 50+)

Alice

the bittersweet SACE result

what I actually wrote and kept as a draft the day before I got my result:

"Let me tell you something. It's not in my nature to reveal my target on anything (unless if it's obvious - like SPM, ofkos la aku KENA dapat 10 A1 yaww). But this time I felt compelled to do so because, uh, I don't know.

ATAR at least 94

All A's - INCLUDING Maths. Impossible? Who cares!!

At least 1 merit - I'm hoping it's Chemistry.

Of course I'll be content with ATAR Cukup-cukup Sembilan Puluh Dua as long as I get to go to Otago, but I'm determined. It makes me cry to think that I have been anything but excellent during my college years (as compared to me during my school years), so I really hope that things will be changed this time. I painfully realized that I didn't put much effort in AUSMAT (read: tido, internet berjam-jam, study bila nak exam aje), but who knows what God has in store for me, right?"

16th of December was D-day. I was up at 5.30 am for sahur when I received messages from my friends asking me how did I do in SACE. Naturally, I, being the person who finds it difficult to face the reality, resumed my slumber instead of going online to check the result. When I finally woke up for good, it was time to goreng kuih and it was 9 am when I finally got the opportunity to turn on the computer and log on to www.sace.sa.edu.au to check my results.

I cried when I saw what's displayed in front of the computer screen.

Alhamdulillah, I managed to achieve my every target, even getting an A for Maths! I couldn't describe how shocked I was. Shocked, really, because I only targeted for ATAR 94, but God gave me way more than that. Shocked, because I knew that my dream of getting straight A's would only remain a dream with Maths blocking my way, but God finally granted my wish. Shocked, because all the talk of getting a merit would not fit an extremely lazy person that I am, but God gave me the opportunity to achieve what I thought couldn't be achieved. For that, I am extremely grateful. Thank you Allah.

Of course, deep in my heart, I felt like I didn't deserve it. I have to admit, my efforts are very minuscule compared to other people. I was never the one who could study round the clock, harnessing every single materials I could get my hands on. I tried that, but I couldn't. My mind was so accustomed to the laid-back method that I've been using since my school days that when I finally pushed it to work harder to cope with AUSMAT's gruesome schedule and expectations, all systems began to overload. Or something close to that. Back in my school days, I kept stressing over the fact that I couldn't be half as hardworking as most people in my class, leading to several cutting sessions (because of the whole goddamn inferiority complex thingie lol). That was until a friend said to me "dude, kau ada cara sendiri, diorang ada cara sendiri. kau ada kelebihan dalam part lain, diorang ada kelebihan dalam part lain. so just go with your own method!" (quote telah diparaphrase).

So in order to achieve my mission to reach my first anniversary of being free from cutting, I took my friend's advice and study at my own pace. Although it is indeed fatal for my academic achievement (please refer to previous posts under the label 'AUSMAT'), it's better than adding another scar on my hand by doing things I'm not fond of. Of course it's a very bad feeling, especially when considering the fact that I did much better at school than I did in AUSMAT, but after a year and a half, I had become calloused already. I just leave it to God, let He determine what's best for me. I would be grateful enough if He gave me something which befits my efforts for one year and a half, like, say, ATAR Cukup-cukup Sembilan Puluh Dua (or less than that, I think). But if He wants to give me more, I would be more than elated.

At the end of the day, I believe it's about doing things your own way, praying and tawakkal. "Your own way" may mean staying up until 3 am to study, camping at the study room/library, or playing DotA while browsing through your Specialist Mathematics notes; it basically depends on which method you are comfortable with (I know I'm not comfortable with camping at the library lol). Just because others have their own study ritual doesn't mean you have to follow them bulat-bulat (well, of course you can if you want AND if you have the capability though). At the same time, "I can't do this bawww" should not be an excuse for you not to do anything either. Dude, who am I to say this anyway hahahahaha.

This post is unrelated to anything or anybody. Just feel like writing because I can.

Alice

p/s: Berbaktilah kepada haiwan nescaya haiwan akan mendoakan kemurahan rezeki kita

p/p/s: Remember the elevator dream? Apparently my dream deciphering is correct!

the grand dinner

Yeah, it was like a dream. I graduated from AUSMAT already (though I must mention that the official graduation ceremony was in August. Lol lawak eh?). What better thing to end your 1.5 years of a killer matriculation program than with an equally killer grand dinner? Awesomeness.

The dinner was held at the very majestic Empire Hotel. Theme was Grammy night, so there were a bunch of paparazzis taking pictures of us walking along the red carpet and on a Grammy-ish backdrop. Very Grammy, indeed. I must applaud the committee members for organising such an awesome night (despite all the things that happened prior to the event - not going to disclose that one XD). We were supposed to walk into the ballroom in pairs, and my partner for the night was, of course, Nemo (ape ko ingat ade ke mamat2 AUSMAT nak ajak aku jadik partner diorang? Kirim salam. "Tim yang selalu pakai baju hitam tu kan?" But not that I care anyway).

So I said I want to wear aristo. I wore aristo.

Jacket: Peace Collections (not Peace Now or Black Peace Now okeh), with buttons replaced

Blouse: My very old altered 'loli' blouse

Skirt: Handsewn the night before. Slept at 5 am for this.

Epic long petticoat: also handsewn

Jabot: Handsewn 3 hours before the dinner lol

Shoes (which you can't see here, but it's a pair of red velvet stilettos): A shop at Sungei Wang

Mini top hat: Altered, bought at My One Shop. God I'm going to miss that shop.

Also, I must tell you that before the event started, I bumped into Cikgu Hassan. He eyed me from head to toe, and with an inexplainable expression on his face (shocked? disgusted? 'apakah pakaian yang mengikut budaya sembah syaitan ini'?), he asked me "Ni pakaian jenis apa ni?". I was stunned and couldn't say a word, but I managed to blurt out " Uh, ah, ini aristocrat, Victorian style, uh..." and quickly find refuge inside the ballroom. Heh, if Laura and the Innocent Girl Connie can wear micro mini dresses, I can't see why am I not allowed to wear a modest, not form-fitting aristo outfit (itu nasib baik aku tak pakai lolita and boots, kalau tak mesti dia tanya "mana seluar awak?").

By the way, here's how me and my fiancée looked like to

gether (yeah, she said she was thinking of wearing sweet lolita with me, but not many people are courageous enough to wear lolita in public so there you go).

lol macam nak lari

And so the main event kicked off with a performance by AUSMAT's very own band, The Last 3 Letters. Syira's acting was brilliant, kalau audition jadik pelakon tu memang boleh sangat sangat lepas (ini serius). The performances were cool, too. I especially enjoy the Korean medley dances with Leong's sissy antics and whatnots. I was 'invited' to perform a few months back, but I decided not to because I want to eat my heart out without having to worry about performing, and because I don't think people (and Cikgu Hassan?) would appreciate a bunch of electronic noises while munching off their lamb chops lol.

yang ni pun boleh tahan, tapi kena interrupt kejap. what the eff korang tak bagitau aku jien lee main piano

Speaking of lamb chops, the food was AWESOME! Definitely worth RM80. Wished I had bigger stomach though, I only managed to eat one round of everything. There were lamb chops, baked macaroni, dory fish in tartar sauce (?), some cheesy potato thing, mixed vegetables, soto, pineapple and chicken salad, garden salad with coleslaw, bread n butter (super keras tapi sedap), blackcurrant and peach pudding, brownies, cheese cakes, apa lagi tak ingat kot. Sampai sekarang terngiang-ngiang lamb chop tu. I love western-tinged buffets like that.

takde gambar makanan, but enjoy the photo of me with my tablemates

Because it was Grammy-themed, the committee decided to give out a few awards to deserving students and lecturers. There were awards for the most innocent, stylo, talented, hot, Mr. and Ms AUSMAT and happy go lucky students, and the most popular and favourite lecturers. There were also a special award for Suria, the main person behind the awesome event, as well as the awards for best dressed peeps. I was nominated for Talented and Stylo, but of course I was not talented and stylo enough (talented = pandai nyanyi and main instruments, aku nyanyi tak sedap and the only instrument I play is FL Studio 9. Stylo = trendy coordinations using trendy brand items. Lolita is not trendy and BTSSB is not a trendy brand XD). Takpelah, tak kisah part tu, it's a popularity contest anyway and I'm not popular. But one thing though. How come Jepa dapat Most Talented Guy??? Jawab aku, jawab cepat.

By the way, look at the girl winning the Best Dressed award for the night, Salehana.

HEBAT!

The highlight of the event was a candlelight vigil ceremony (lol) for the lecturers. Lights were killed, everybody sat anxiously in the dark, before us candle bearers went in and surround the lecturers table with candlelights. Gave them roses and gifts, and let them blow out the candles. I didn't realize this one, but by that time people were actually crying, suddenly flooded with the memories from the past 1.5 years. The hard work, the perspirations, the tears, the significant moments, all wrapped into one night. Haha, okay I'm going to stop with that here, I'm not good at describing memories with words XD.

Before I forgot, we received our yearbook that night. The birth of my beloved child. The Yearbook Committee's pride and joy. I was proud to be a part of the yearbook team, as one of the graphic designers. Was even prouder when Prof Bib praised our efforts in front of everyone. "This is the original Facebook", she said. Kudos to my man Hong Seng for making it a success.

So yeah, grand dinner was grandiose, no doubt. The best ever in my life (haha, gaya macam pernah attend banyak grand dinner je doh). I shall cherish the memories of AUSMAT till the rest of my life.

Turns out, despite all those whines about the 'most difficult preparation program in INTEC' here, I found myself missing AUSMAT already. Well, missing the memories, certainly not the assignments and tests and quizzes. Hope my undergraduate years will be as awesome, if not better. Marilah Otago!

p/s: almost all photos were stolen from Suria. Some of them are mine, and my tagged photos

p/p/s: Illawong is the best!

maka dengan ini saya mengisytiharkan

Yes, saya sudah MERDEKA!!!!

Penat lelah selama satu setengah tahun (lelah sangat la kau) telah berakhir dengan selamatnya pada pukul 2.42 petang tadi. Harap-harap impian murni untuk mendapat TER 94 (ambitious much?) dan subsequently fly ke Otago akan tercapat...

Amin....

Terima kasih kepada semua lecturers, especially lecturers yang pernah mengajar saya selama saya berada di INTEC kerana telah mendidik dan membimbing saya tanpa jemu.

Terima kasih juga kepada rakan-rakan di INTEC yang telah banyak membantu, especially budak-budak Illawong yang best!

Terima kasih kepada housemates yang berjaya endure setahun setengah dengan saya yang uber twisted

Terima kasih kepada penyelia asrama, driver bas, pak dan mak guard, makcik cleaner, abang library, etc etc... pendek kata, semua yang pernah hadir dalam hidup saya sepanjang bergelar pelajar INTEC.

Jumpa di dinner!

Alice

unweekly update

I don't know. Feels like writing about this as soon as I finished the dreaded test. You could say statistics, like the rest of the abhorred Maths syllabus, is my weakest point. Meh, you say. This could be another one of my self-pitying post, about me being reportedly inferior to other people, or having lack of zeal/motivation/optimistic point of view whatsoever compared to other people. You're probably right. I hate Maths because I am not good in it. I used to, but no longer I am. That makes me hate it even more. 'Hate' may be a strong word to describe what I feel towards the subject, but yeah, if it's not hatred, it's something close. No, I don't hate the lecturer (I love the lecturer by the way, she's the sweetest), I hate the fact that I could not make myself better in Maths. Maybe it's my utter laziness. Maybe it's my newly-found 'couldn't care less' attitude. No matter what the excuses are, I found it very difficult to get that coveted A in this subject. The source of my parents' disappointment, no doubt. And my lecturer's disappointment, too. She is the best lecturer ever, a very patient, dedicated teacher. It's disheartening to think that our marks do not reflect her hard work of teaching us from January to August. Though I feel that there is hope for me to get at least (or at most?) B in today's test, I couldn't be too sure. I might screwed up on the normalcdf/ binomcdf thingie (let's not discuss Question 1 because obviously I did not flip a single page of that box whisker topic in the textbook for my revision. So meh.).

I miss my earlier days. This is my worst nightmare at its best. Me falling down after a brief moment of triumph. One should learn to be grateful during one's best moments. Something I didn't do before. Look what happened now.

"Oh hell, it's only a test, it's not the end of the world, vessel. Good luck for your trial exam." - Subconscious

With an air of negative charge,

Alice who couldn't be bothered to edit grammar.

p/s go and download Global Communication's 76:14 album. Every song is a blissful journey to an ethereal state of mind. Listen to 14:31 before you sleep. Best barbiturate ever.

emotions are there for you to show it

Here it is, the long awaited weekly post! (that doesn't seem correct because I have just written an entry here yesterday)

Week started with Chemistry test. 80% Chapter 4, the rest come from random chapters in the book. Did not do much of revision during the weekends because I couldn't bother to do so, a habit that is proven to be detrimental to this overly confident self. So of course I had to cringe while answering the questions. And of course my marks were less than those who study day and night. But that doesn't matter! Inferiority complex can lead to cutting, so I don't give a damn anymore. I am happy with my results coz I deserve it! :D :D

I was also looking forward to the week because the TESL peeps at INTEC organised a Ramadhan PC & Book Fair for 3 days at the great hall. Not exactly full-blown PC and book fair, but at least they have a BookXcess stall! Ohmygosh! I've been wanting to go to BookXcess since forever (or at least, since Leana introduced it to me) but until now I never had any opportunities to go there because Amcorp Mall is so secluded, there's no way I'll be able to go there without being lost *cue hyperbole*. I was hoping to find some interesting classic literature, but the choices were limited to Jane Austen and Shakespeare and a couple other titles that I have read/ have no interest in reading, so I had to pass. Was looking for Alice I Have Been too, but I was told that the book was nonexistent in their original store. Disappointed, I tried my luck with Crichton. I have been wanting to buy The Terminal Man since I finished reading A Case of Need, so I inquired of the salesperson whether they have it in stock. Much to my delight, they do have it, and promised to bring it the following day. So I went again the next day, only to find out that The Terminal Man was sold out, so they brought Pirate Latitudes and Prey instead. I have read Prey for 3 times already, and I am not that much of a fan of pirate-y stories (despite my immense love towards Alice and the Pirates), so of course I was disappointed. Nevertheless, I decided that it doesn't hurt to buy Pirate Latitudes since Crichton's stuffs are generally awesome anyway. And for RM19.90, it's a hell of a bargain (original price RM69.90). Needless to say, I have made a very good investment. 70 pages through and I just couldn't stop.

And since I have so much disposable money in my hands (despite needing to pay NZD 900 for accommodation fees, and how many more RM for passport and visa purposes), I proceeded to buy yet another book the next day. Now, this book (The Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill) was purely compulsive purchase; I never recalled buying gothic novels other than the usual classic Gothic literature and the vampire romances (and, ugh, The Complete Twilight Saga). I bought it because I thought it was interesting (about an ageing death metal band member buying a ghost-infested suit and having his life ruined by it. Oh the irony...), and the cover is pretty. Something I could coord with my gothic lolita-tinged dresses, perhaps. And it's somewhat Gaiman-y. Did I mention it was for RM17.90? Yeah, that one really made me buy it ><.

Had my Malay forum on Wednesday, and the topic's "Wajarkah Artis Dijadikan Sebagai Idola?" (Should artistes be made into idols?). Played the role of an ustazah, but I didn't think I did well. Those usual verbal problems again. Heard that we'll be having an interview with people from Australia before Raya holidays regarding our In-Depth Studies. Interview with Malay-speaking Aussies means no colloquial Malay whatsoever - else they won't be able to understand whatever heck we are talking about. It's Nik Safiah Karim's Malay all the way, baby!

The week was full-on Yearbook work week. Need to finish everything by next week so that Hong Seng can submit the drafts to be printed. Tiring, no doubt, but at least it was enjoyable. Enjoyable in a sense that I am working with Photoshop CS4 (despite me being a n00b in graphic designing and Photoshop usage and whatnots). I prefer that over flipping through pages of the Biology textbook. Maybe I shouldn't take a course in health sciences, judging from my utter laziness to do anything academic. But then, maybe I am wrong. Drugs, legal or illegal, have always been my personal favourite.

Next week, it's double action again. Maths test on Tuesday, and Biology test on Thursday. Wish me luck; I may need it heavily.

Title is related to this entry because I said so.

Till next time,

Alice of Phantasmagoria.

one heck of a week

If you noticed, my posts tend to be despairing lately. Hormones [driven by Subconscious] are that bad.Anyways it has been yet another eventful week, though not as eventful as the most eventful week in my AUSMAT life (repetitions are awesome). For some reasons I got my supply of BloggerBooster pills back, and decided that it would be best to post weekly entries that summarise the whole seven days than waiting for 'eventful' things to happen. I doubt I can make it, but yeah, we'll see. Won't be as awesomely frequent (and overly popular) as Bie's, but at least I can try to revive my vegetative blog. Vegetative, as in PVS.

I had my Maths statistics quiz this week. When you're in AUSMAT it's natural to have quizzes or tests every week. Thanks to my tendency to doze off in every class I attend, I couldn't really take note of what I've learnt about normal distribution. And being me, I didn't put any extra effort to ensure that I really understand the topic ("ala, statistics senang je kot, apela sangat, dulu aku selalu dapat full mark ape"). So the consequences are nasty. I prefer not to disclose the results here, but suffice to say that I need to stop being overtly confident about my capabilities in statistics after this. And maybe try to gobble down more stimulants. People should make arguments about legalising amphetamines rather than maryjanes (for the uninitiated: marijuana). No, I don't take any of those. DMT in my brain is sufficient.

I also received the results of my Otago interview (forgot to blog about it). Alhamdulillah, I passed it. Was dang worried about it before, mainly because I am skeptical of my ability during the interview with Dr. Brunton and [immensely gorgeous Dean of Pharmacy] Prof. Duffull. When you have difficulties pronouncing simple words and have lack of coherence during verbal communications, you definitely have all the rights to be paranoid when it comes to interviews. But I prayed, and let God determine what's best for me. And thank God I managed to pass. Anywho, passing the interview only means that I have passed the first stage. There will be two more stages to come; the dreaded SACE exam and Health Sciences First Year ("If you don't take Physics during your Year 12, you will find PHSI 191 Biological Physics very challenging" - Ms. Carol). Hope I am able to make it through all of them, for the sake of my parents (not to forget taxpayers :P). It is sad to know that some of my friends did not pass the interview, but I believe that they will get something even better after this (like what happened to my batchmates after

SPM - those who did not get straight A1's are the ones who leave Malaysia first; those who do are stuck in INTEC for 1.5 years to 2 years lol). And oh, giving false hope is BAD. Leana, fight for your rights, they need to find a place for you to study, it's their fault anyway.

Malay In-Depth Studies presentation was disappointing. You'd think I can do waaaaaay better since Malay is my first language. But I didn't, apparently. Bad communication skills are terrible. Did something about stigma and discrimination among schizophrenia patients, and made a very good job in portraying a schizophrenia patient in front of my classmates (through obvious agitation and actions suggesting 'stage fright'). Brilliant indeed. Of course I can talk, but I don't know how to organize my points when talking. Everything became jumbled up as soon as I start talking. It's depressing.

On a lighter note, I graduated! It's freaky to graduate before the big SACE exam, but INTEC decided that we can graduate with MEP and Russian students in a single ceremony (don't know why) so there we go, the AUSMAT graduating class of 2010 :D

Aaand I just finished reading a new book - A Case of Need by my beloved J. Michael Crichton, M.D. (RIP), the director of the medical series ER, director of awesome movies such as Jurassic Park and Twister, and author of numerous medical/scientific thrillers. I am always a fan of Crichton; I knew him through The Andromeda Strain, that epic novel illustrating the horrors of disease-yielding supermicrobes. Being a person obsessed with diseases and medicines and the sciences, Crichton's novels are my absolute cup of tea. He had visions of the future that are vivid and highly realistic, which are portrayed through his writings (Andromeda Strain, Jurassic Park, Next, Prey, among others). I always love how he included charts and graphs and images to further illustrate the issues he was featuring in his novels. And I love how he was able to blend medical or scientific facts with intense plots seamlessly, without appearing too tacky or being 'I-wanna-explain-everything-because-you-guys-are-morons'. It's a pity that he died in 2008 though; never once did I ever feel disappointed reading his novels. A Case of Need features issues concerning abortion; a quest of a pathologist to find the person behind a fatal medical malpractice. Reading the novel is like reading an immensely interesting medical textbook; he included lots of new informations embedded within descriptions of fast-paced actions. The fact that he wrote the novel shortly after he finished his medical internship (in 1968!) is just plain awesome. Five stars for classic Crichton. Gotta buy more of his medical thrillers - I heard that The Terminal Man is also great.

Ha, epic post is epic. Datin Minda asks us to write a journal to improve our writing skills, but since I am not very keen on keeping journals and updating regularly, I think writing in my blog will do. So there, till next week. I'll have my ESLS tutorials next week, and another Chemistry quiz. Ah...AUSMAT. You gotta love it. Till next time.

Alice. I got my Lolita coords Tumblr'd.

inferiority

seven over twenty.

apparently that's my current level. I am that bad in organisation.

and apparently, not knowing how to avoid yourself from exceeding the word limit is detrimental to any assignments.

I'm posting for the sake of updating

It's lame, I know. But somehow I can't find any willpower to write anything here. Of course, there are loads of things to write, like how I purchased my dearest Baby the Stars Shine Bright shirring JSK (will write about it. It's in the draft list.), or how I spent my whole 1 month of holiday doing nothing but making and selling kuih so that I am able to buy the aforementioned Baby, or how I was slightly disappointed with my Sem 2 results, or how I was devastated upon hearing the news that this year's admission to University of Otago's Health Science First Year foundation will be much tougher than before, or how I felt about the current rage over Muslim lolitas. Yes, there are lots of things to write. There are also lots of other more important things to write, i.e. my Biology Human Awareness Essay, ESLS Investigative Studies final draft, Malay In-Depth Studies essay, 3 essays for Otago admission...the list goes on. That's why I don't write much these days. Essays and reports and whatnots engulfed me. Can't run away, uh.

(Before you start, please don't compare me to other fellow AUSMAT bloggers. Humans have different capabilities, and even in the blogosphere, this has no exception.)

Anywho, I am still going to update my blog from time to time. Time to time may range from days to weeks to even years. I have lots of things to write, but let me find my time first. Maybe I should cut my time lurking on egl/egl-related communities. Before I get obsessed with egl, I always find some time to update my blog. Ha.

By the way, I'm going to have my Otago interview at the end of this month. Hope I'll pass it, else I'll be doomed. Doomed as in not able to further my studies overseas. That's a catastrophe, considering that almost everybody in my neighbourhood knew that "anak Rosidah nak pergi New Zealand tahun depan weh!". Gah seram.

Haha. See you later. And welcome, dear new followers. :D