selamat menyambut hari kemerdekaan

Racism depends on an individual, not the race in which the individual belongs to.

Having said that, you cannot simply make generalizations and say "Kaum ____ rasis! Bigot! Etc Etc!!"

There are Malays who are racists. There are Chinese who are racists. There are Indians who are racists. There are individuals belonging to minority groups who are racists. But you cannot simply accuse every individuals in the respective groups as racists. The sayings 'kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga' may be true, but then, you cannot expect a large group of people to be squeaky clean without any 'perosak kaum' either.

Racism is intolerable. Politicizing racism is far worse.

When you live together with different people of different sorts of background / needs / behaviour / beliefs, toleration is crucial. A typical prep may be forced to live with an annoyingly emo-ish roommate with an affinity to all things weird and macabre, but they can still live peacefully (if not happily) with each other should toleration is practiced. The same principle can be applied in the context of living together in a multiracial country. This is why we have things like Perkara 14-18 and Perkara 153 in the Federal Constitution. While I may not be well versed in law, I do believe that the Federal Constitution was carefully designed to be fair and just for all citizens of Malaysia. I am not saying this because I am a Malay (although I am a Malay according to the constitution, I am only half-Malay and prefer to address myself as Malinja - Malay+Indian+Javanese XD), I am saying this as a Malaysian.

By the way, I do know that the government cannot always be right, but I think being a rebel for the sake of rebelling is just ridiculous. Not all things implemented by the government need to be protested.

Happy 53rd Independence Day. May we can make it to the 54th.

Alice

aku ada buat lagu

tapi sayangnya aku tak boleh kongsi dengan orang sebab aku tak boleh upload mp3 kat mana-mana site (tak tau sebab apa). Nak post lirik pun tak boleh sebab dah nama memang tak ada lirik kan. Lagu tu tak awesome mana; 4 layers, ada synth dua, bass satu, pads satu cukuplah. Dah nama pun noob kan. 8 bars of melodies diulang-ulang barang cukup 3 minit. Itulah dance music ambient pada tahap paling basic, terma kasih kepada FruityLoops.

Kenapa aku tulis ni?

Sebab aku kagum dengan mereka yang tulis dan buat lagu sendiri. Ini tak hanya merujuk kepada dance music artists. Orang terdekat pun ramai. Adik aku misalnya. Aiman Black pun hebat.

Satu hari nanti aku akan dapatkan Ableton Reason dan buat lagu sekompleks Shpongle. Paling koman pun, brush up aku punya FL skills supaya aku tau macamana nak vocoderkan suara aku guna that damned Vocodex (salah aku ke salah soundcard aku tak tau). Semalam aku baru discover macamana nak guna Fruity Love Philter. Sungguh pathetic. Kau fikir bagi seseorang yang minat dance music, lagu-lagu yang aku buat mesti at least ada a brief session of filter. Filter sungguh awesome. Aku berjaya remake I Feel Love menjadi lebih housey (acid synth boleh dikira housey kah?).

postscript: Minggu depan balik. Aku rindu mak. Rindu bapak. Rindu adik-adik. Rindu rumah. Hahahaha cheesy sungguh diriku.

astronomy is awesome

Firstly, I don't want to have any romantic relationship with any guy (at least for the time being), especially if that guy is not Raphael (or at least Raphael-like). Having said that, don't expect me to be too friendly to you guys whatsoever. No offline communications, no "let's go out together!!!1!!1!!!!!", no direct contacts. Been there done that. Nak keluar sama mesti belanja. All expenses paid. Tambang pun taja sekali. Aku tak kira. Kau nak label aku materialistik ke hape ke silakan. If you can't sacrifice for me now, I cannot justify being your wife in the future. Nuff said.

Secondly, I love full moon. I really do. Full moon rising is the best natural phenomenon ever (besides the usual eclipses). If you are lucky enough, go to any place where you can almost see the horizon without any obstructions during a full moon night, preferably around Maghrib. You will see a beautiful orange full moon . (I rarely have a chance to witness this event because kat depan bilik banyak pokok and bangunan and whatnots makanya sangat sedih).

Thirdly, I'm sorry if I offended you. Apparently I have this 'enhanced' interpretation skills that leads me to misinterpret many an innocent status updates/ blog posts. The blame should be put entirely on me.

Fourthly (that sounds odd), I want macarons. I want I want I want I don't care I really want some macarons!!!11!11!!!!

Rose and pistachio and caramel and cherry with Nutella (I can go on forever with the list of 'freaky' flavours) is teh awesomest.

Fifthly, you can see Jupiter clearly right now. Look at the moon, and find the nearest bright object that doesn't twinkle. That's Jupiter. I want me a telescope, that would be awesome.

Yes, misleading title is misleading :D

sewing plans yet again

Hi. I bought some beautiful fabric from Nagoya last July:

Yes, it's very lolita (not only loliable! XD) and apparently, this print is a part of a series of similarly sweet prints from Japan. I saw some with carousels at sew_loli, which I really really love (coz it reminds me of SC) but I couldn't find it here. Chose cream instead of pink because I need some variety in my loli wardrobe. I'm planning to make a JSK for the dinner (if I have the time and the willpower) should my plan to purchase one during Mr. Yan's birthday sale fails. So far I have several plans for this fabric, one of them involving bustles (yet again) and blue ruffles, and another one involving making a replica of this F+F dress:

(it even has the EXACT print, in black colourway! XP)

Maaaybe with added ruffle because I'm a sucker when it comes to ruffles. And most definitely, I'm going to put the waist ties at the back. Somehow I feel like tying your waist ties at the front seems weird (no matter how good it looks on that Putumayo Cat Window skirt). Now, if only I could find a decent sewing machine for under RM100 (which is damn impossible)...

unweekly update

I don't know. Feels like writing about this as soon as I finished the dreaded test. You could say statistics, like the rest of the abhorred Maths syllabus, is my weakest point. Meh, you say. This could be another one of my self-pitying post, about me being reportedly inferior to other people, or having lack of zeal/motivation/optimistic point of view whatsoever compared to other people. You're probably right. I hate Maths because I am not good in it. I used to, but no longer I am. That makes me hate it even more. 'Hate' may be a strong word to describe what I feel towards the subject, but yeah, if it's not hatred, it's something close. No, I don't hate the lecturer (I love the lecturer by the way, she's the sweetest), I hate the fact that I could not make myself better in Maths. Maybe it's my utter laziness. Maybe it's my newly-found 'couldn't care less' attitude. No matter what the excuses are, I found it very difficult to get that coveted A in this subject. The source of my parents' disappointment, no doubt. And my lecturer's disappointment, too. She is the best lecturer ever, a very patient, dedicated teacher. It's disheartening to think that our marks do not reflect her hard work of teaching us from January to August. Though I feel that there is hope for me to get at least (or at most?) B in today's test, I couldn't be too sure. I might screwed up on the normalcdf/ binomcdf thingie (let's not discuss Question 1 because obviously I did not flip a single page of that box whisker topic in the textbook for my revision. So meh.).

I miss my earlier days. This is my worst nightmare at its best. Me falling down after a brief moment of triumph. One should learn to be grateful during one's best moments. Something I didn't do before. Look what happened now.

"Oh hell, it's only a test, it's not the end of the world, vessel. Good luck for your trial exam." - Subconscious

With an air of negative charge,

Alice who couldn't be bothered to edit grammar.

p/s go and download Global Communication's 76:14 album. Every song is a blissful journey to an ethereal state of mind. Listen to 14:31 before you sleep. Best barbiturate ever.

midnight randomization part deux

Aku tak berapa kisah kalau kau nak kacau aku pun. You could say I like it. Sebab aku rasa kau menarik. Dan aku suka orang-orang menarik. Orang normal sangat boring. Ya, aku label kau dan aku sebagai tak normal. Tapi itu patut jadi satu compliment. But I don't know. Some people get offended by this, tapi aku trust kau bukan jenis yang cepat offended.

By the way, yes, I love dance music. Been hearing it since I was 4. It's only natural. Sayangnya tak ramai orang di Malaysia tahu pasal dance music. Kalau ada yang tahu/suka tu pun daripada exposure lepas pergi ke kelab-kelab posh e.g. Zouk (kelab tak posh tak pasang dance music, diorang pasang lagu dangdut); suka sebab dance music mempercepatkan heartbeat dan mempercepatkan proses high. Bukan suka sebab dance music itu sendiri. Takpun exposure lepas lepak-lepak di Bukit Bintang dan berkawan dengan budak-budak shufflers yang menari mengikuti rentak hardstyle. Mereka cuma tahu itu hardstyle, dan letak di t-shirt masing-masing; mereka tak tahu itu ialah sub-style hard dance, dan "hardstyle" yang mereka gelarkan itu boleh jadi hard trance ataupun cuma bangin' techno. Lalu dengan knowledge yang sikit ini mereka cuba buat tracks sendiri; maka keluarlah lagu seperti Roti Keju yang sangat out of place.

Mereka yang menghayati dance music sangat sedikit, apatah lagi menghayati psychedelic trance. Epic Tribe sangat awesome, mereka ada soul Goa sebenar (sans LSD). But that doesn't mean all of the punters that attend their events have that true psychedelic spirit. Kalau orang berhenti associate dance music dengan clubbing dan dadah, dunia ini akan jadi lebih indah. Dan kalau industri muzik indie di Malaysia juga memaparkan artis dance music alongside the usual alt rock bands, dunia ini sudah tentu akan jadi lebih awesome.

Entry ini pelik sebab aku terbaca blog lama di Friendster yang ditulis masa umur 13, komen-komen pasal local dance music scene. Waktu aku umur 11 dulu, dance music di radio tempatan sangat awesome. Sekarang sudah mati. Terima kasih mainstream music kerana contribute serba sedikit ke arah itu.

Midnight randomization part deux kerana kalau kau perasan, entry ini ada kena-mengena dengan midnight randomization yang pertama, bab 'exposure' tu. Hint from the writing style of this entry. Mari layan Moguai yang tidak sama dengan Mogwai (aku baru perasan).

Alice yang bakal hadapi interview lagi sebelum cuti.

emotions are there for you to show it

Here it is, the long awaited weekly post! (that doesn't seem correct because I have just written an entry here yesterday)

Week started with Chemistry test. 80% Chapter 4, the rest come from random chapters in the book. Did not do much of revision during the weekends because I couldn't bother to do so, a habit that is proven to be detrimental to this overly confident self. So of course I had to cringe while answering the questions. And of course my marks were less than those who study day and night. But that doesn't matter! Inferiority complex can lead to cutting, so I don't give a damn anymore. I am happy with my results coz I deserve it! :D :D

I was also looking forward to the week because the TESL peeps at INTEC organised a Ramadhan PC & Book Fair for 3 days at the great hall. Not exactly full-blown PC and book fair, but at least they have a BookXcess stall! Ohmygosh! I've been wanting to go to BookXcess since forever (or at least, since Leana introduced it to me) but until now I never had any opportunities to go there because Amcorp Mall is so secluded, there's no way I'll be able to go there without being lost *cue hyperbole*. I was hoping to find some interesting classic literature, but the choices were limited to Jane Austen and Shakespeare and a couple other titles that I have read/ have no interest in reading, so I had to pass. Was looking for Alice I Have Been too, but I was told that the book was nonexistent in their original store. Disappointed, I tried my luck with Crichton. I have been wanting to buy The Terminal Man since I finished reading A Case of Need, so I inquired of the salesperson whether they have it in stock. Much to my delight, they do have it, and promised to bring it the following day. So I went again the next day, only to find out that The Terminal Man was sold out, so they brought Pirate Latitudes and Prey instead. I have read Prey for 3 times already, and I am not that much of a fan of pirate-y stories (despite my immense love towards Alice and the Pirates), so of course I was disappointed. Nevertheless, I decided that it doesn't hurt to buy Pirate Latitudes since Crichton's stuffs are generally awesome anyway. And for RM19.90, it's a hell of a bargain (original price RM69.90). Needless to say, I have made a very good investment. 70 pages through and I just couldn't stop.

And since I have so much disposable money in my hands (despite needing to pay NZD 900 for accommodation fees, and how many more RM for passport and visa purposes), I proceeded to buy yet another book the next day. Now, this book (The Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill) was purely compulsive purchase; I never recalled buying gothic novels other than the usual classic Gothic literature and the vampire romances (and, ugh, The Complete Twilight Saga). I bought it because I thought it was interesting (about an ageing death metal band member buying a ghost-infested suit and having his life ruined by it. Oh the irony...), and the cover is pretty. Something I could coord with my gothic lolita-tinged dresses, perhaps. And it's somewhat Gaiman-y. Did I mention it was for RM17.90? Yeah, that one really made me buy it ><.

Had my Malay forum on Wednesday, and the topic's "Wajarkah Artis Dijadikan Sebagai Idola?" (Should artistes be made into idols?). Played the role of an ustazah, but I didn't think I did well. Those usual verbal problems again. Heard that we'll be having an interview with people from Australia before Raya holidays regarding our In-Depth Studies. Interview with Malay-speaking Aussies means no colloquial Malay whatsoever - else they won't be able to understand whatever heck we are talking about. It's Nik Safiah Karim's Malay all the way, baby!

The week was full-on Yearbook work week. Need to finish everything by next week so that Hong Seng can submit the drafts to be printed. Tiring, no doubt, but at least it was enjoyable. Enjoyable in a sense that I am working with Photoshop CS4 (despite me being a n00b in graphic designing and Photoshop usage and whatnots). I prefer that over flipping through pages of the Biology textbook. Maybe I shouldn't take a course in health sciences, judging from my utter laziness to do anything academic. But then, maybe I am wrong. Drugs, legal or illegal, have always been my personal favourite.

Next week, it's double action again. Maths test on Tuesday, and Biology test on Thursday. Wish me luck; I may need it heavily.

Title is related to this entry because I said so.

Till next time,

Alice of Phantasmagoria.

midnight randomization

You grow up having no particular interest in life whatsoever, then you meet a couple of queer individuals - later in life you realize they are the only set of individuals you could ever get along with - and started absorbing whatever they are, assimilating them to be a distinct personality that is you. The way they talk. The way they dress. What kind of music they listen to. Their current obsessions. Their philosophy in life.

Because that is what we are. We mold ourselves to be what we are today from the little things we are exposed to in life. One does not abruptly develop a taste for Aphex Twin without being introduced to it via one's brother's DJ friend, or via the loud industrial festival one attended last year (I must include Aphex Twin analogies coz he is fcking insanely awesome). In the end, a person is a being formed by numerous aspects acquired from his surrounding world; those that are carefully selected and skillfully crafted to be what one may call as the personality, or the personal characteristics. One may choose not to be affected by anything that happens around him, but sooner or later, the effect will start to surface.

Song of the entry is Bluetech's Triangle because psybient is food for the soul (acquired via the exposure to Shpongle, which was acquired from an old DJmag magazine, which was bought by my awesome dad. Dad knows dance music more than I do).

to you.

I'm sorry I did not support you during your worst moments. I thought I just want to let things be settled down first, and let you have the time to recover without me interrupting the process. 'Sides, I'm afraid if I act all counselor-y I'll make things worse. You know how bad I am in communications. The last time I did so, I made a friend get annoyed with me. I don't want the same thing to happen between us. Alas, I was wrong. Doing nothing is even worse, isn't it? I'm very sorry. I am concerned about you, it's just that I don't know how to show it. Maybe your other friends know you better than me, and know the best ways to cheer you up. Seems like I've been ignoring you, but I'm not. I know, I should do something with myself and my lame social skills. But yeah, I'm sorry.

here's a dozen dead roses for you

Dear one whom I have banished from my life for eternity,

Which part of 'we're through' don't you understand? The 'we're' part or the 'through' part?

I don't miss you, you ugly piece of indelible memory. And stop expecting that I do.

By the way, the word reconciliation does not belong in my dictionary.

With deep regret (for having known you),

Countess Maya Arielle Evans.

p/s: when I say I'm Raphael's, that means I'm Raphael's. I don't give a damn whether he really exists or not.

one heck of a week

If you noticed, my posts tend to be despairing lately. Hormones [driven by Subconscious] are that bad.Anyways it has been yet another eventful week, though not as eventful as the most eventful week in my AUSMAT life (repetitions are awesome). For some reasons I got my supply of BloggerBooster pills back, and decided that it would be best to post weekly entries that summarise the whole seven days than waiting for 'eventful' things to happen. I doubt I can make it, but yeah, we'll see. Won't be as awesomely frequent (and overly popular) as Bie's, but at least I can try to revive my vegetative blog. Vegetative, as in PVS.

I had my Maths statistics quiz this week. When you're in AUSMAT it's natural to have quizzes or tests every week. Thanks to my tendency to doze off in every class I attend, I couldn't really take note of what I've learnt about normal distribution. And being me, I didn't put any extra effort to ensure that I really understand the topic ("ala, statistics senang je kot, apela sangat, dulu aku selalu dapat full mark ape"). So the consequences are nasty. I prefer not to disclose the results here, but suffice to say that I need to stop being overtly confident about my capabilities in statistics after this. And maybe try to gobble down more stimulants. People should make arguments about legalising amphetamines rather than maryjanes (for the uninitiated: marijuana). No, I don't take any of those. DMT in my brain is sufficient.

I also received the results of my Otago interview (forgot to blog about it). Alhamdulillah, I passed it. Was dang worried about it before, mainly because I am skeptical of my ability during the interview with Dr. Brunton and [immensely gorgeous Dean of Pharmacy] Prof. Duffull. When you have difficulties pronouncing simple words and have lack of coherence during verbal communications, you definitely have all the rights to be paranoid when it comes to interviews. But I prayed, and let God determine what's best for me. And thank God I managed to pass. Anywho, passing the interview only means that I have passed the first stage. There will be two more stages to come; the dreaded SACE exam and Health Sciences First Year ("If you don't take Physics during your Year 12, you will find PHSI 191 Biological Physics very challenging" - Ms. Carol). Hope I am able to make it through all of them, for the sake of my parents (not to forget taxpayers :P). It is sad to know that some of my friends did not pass the interview, but I believe that they will get something even better after this (like what happened to my batchmates after

SPM - those who did not get straight A1's are the ones who leave Malaysia first; those who do are stuck in INTEC for 1.5 years to 2 years lol). And oh, giving false hope is BAD. Leana, fight for your rights, they need to find a place for you to study, it's their fault anyway.

Malay In-Depth Studies presentation was disappointing. You'd think I can do waaaaaay better since Malay is my first language. But I didn't, apparently. Bad communication skills are terrible. Did something about stigma and discrimination among schizophrenia patients, and made a very good job in portraying a schizophrenia patient in front of my classmates (through obvious agitation and actions suggesting 'stage fright'). Brilliant indeed. Of course I can talk, but I don't know how to organize my points when talking. Everything became jumbled up as soon as I start talking. It's depressing.

On a lighter note, I graduated! It's freaky to graduate before the big SACE exam, but INTEC decided that we can graduate with MEP and Russian students in a single ceremony (don't know why) so there we go, the AUSMAT graduating class of 2010 :D

Aaand I just finished reading a new book - A Case of Need by my beloved J. Michael Crichton, M.D. (RIP), the director of the medical series ER, director of awesome movies such as Jurassic Park and Twister, and author of numerous medical/scientific thrillers. I am always a fan of Crichton; I knew him through The Andromeda Strain, that epic novel illustrating the horrors of disease-yielding supermicrobes. Being a person obsessed with diseases and medicines and the sciences, Crichton's novels are my absolute cup of tea. He had visions of the future that are vivid and highly realistic, which are portrayed through his writings (Andromeda Strain, Jurassic Park, Next, Prey, among others). I always love how he included charts and graphs and images to further illustrate the issues he was featuring in his novels. And I love how he was able to blend medical or scientific facts with intense plots seamlessly, without appearing too tacky or being 'I-wanna-explain-everything-because-you-guys-are-morons'. It's a pity that he died in 2008 though; never once did I ever feel disappointed reading his novels. A Case of Need features issues concerning abortion; a quest of a pathologist to find the person behind a fatal medical malpractice. Reading the novel is like reading an immensely interesting medical textbook; he included lots of new informations embedded within descriptions of fast-paced actions. The fact that he wrote the novel shortly after he finished his medical internship (in 1968!) is just plain awesome. Five stars for classic Crichton. Gotta buy more of his medical thrillers - I heard that The Terminal Man is also great.

Ha, epic post is epic. Datin Minda asks us to write a journal to improve our writing skills, but since I am not very keen on keeping journals and updating regularly, I think writing in my blog will do. So there, till next week. I'll have my ESLS tutorials next week, and another Chemistry quiz. Ah...AUSMAT. You gotta love it. Till next time.

Alice. I got my Lolita coords Tumblr'd.

i told you

I'm not good at social relations stuffs. The prime reason why I would rather be stuck in a frickin lab dosing myself with cytotoxic materials than wearing my best fake smile while dispensing medicines to strangers. It's the reason why I despise any forms of romantic relationships, the reason why I keep having bad blood with my acquaintances, the reason why I keep on doing faux pas when dealing with people.

I'm sorry. Didn't know about it; should've think twice before doing tacky 'bonding' stuffs like that. Curse my ignorance.

we all need a dose of DMT once in a while (it's in your body btw)

Psychedelic ambient combines the two most awesome things on Earth IMO; psychedelic trance and ambient.

According to this logic, Shpongle is the most double epic awesome thing on Earth.

No one can play flute better than Raja Ram. Period.

ETA: apparently I'm a noob in HTML codes. Damn.