could you define the word paranoiac

I used to think Younger Brother was not as awesome as Simon's other projects, probably because they don't really make Shpongle-tinged psychedelic ambient (unlike Celtic Cross, Purple Om, Mystery of the Yeti and Dub Trees). Younger Brother features sounds that you wouldn't expect coming from the great Simon Posford himself. I mean, Simon is synonymous with psychedelic ambient and Goa trance, he wouldn't possibly produce stuffs that sound like a marriage between Pink Floyd and Coldplay innit? The "un-psybientness" is especially prominent in their latest album Vaccine, where you could actually get Ru singing like he's freaking Chris Martin. But after exploring their tracks pre-Vaccine, I actually found them highly interesting. After all, the whole Pink Floyd-ness vibe is not that bad, I like Pink Floyd. And by making something outside the usual Goa-psy spectrum, more people are aware of the existence of the musical genius that is Simon Posford. Let's just hope he won't end up being the psybient version of Infected Mushroom - too much mainstream exposure can be bad for the imagination (what the hell do they have in mind - a 3 1/2 minute-long psy track???).

'All I Want' is my current favourite YB track, because it's rather psychedelic and has that distinctive Simon + Benji vibe presented in a refreshing way. And Loituma samples - who would've thought of putting that? I also love the vocal samples in the beginning of the track - weird accent, weirdly beautiful. Paranoiac critical method. Awesome.

Talk about paranoiac, 'Adrien having a girlfriend already' is another one of my paranoid assumption. But still, there are possibilities. I didn't know why I was so upset about it - I realized he's too far-fetched for me. Maybe this whole incident reminds me of the things that happened during my school days. I did not feel disappointed, I feel humiliated. This is exactly the reason why I don't want to make the first move (and by first move, I didn't mean flirting whatsoever. I was just sending an innocent message saying hello for God's sake!). When I eventually did, bad things happened. Like that one time when I tried to befriend Ezra, my schoolmate. And shit like these actually decreased my self-esteem further. I mean, am I that repulsive or what? Too eccentric weird? Too ugly? I know this sounded like me circa 2006 (or like any random 15-year-old girls with raging hormones. I should feel ashamed because I'm an effin adult now, I'm 20), but hell.

Anyhoo, to make myself feel better, I made a list on why I deserve someone better than Adrien. Among other things, I included 'fckin womaniser', 'drinks alcohol', 'not a fellow dreamer', 'not a spitting image of Raphael because Raphael is WAY better than that' and 'doesn't even know freakin Shpongle!!! Are you fckin kidding me!!! And he calls himself alty!!!' in my list. Now that really made me feel better!

On the bright side, looks like my New Year Resolution #15 will stay intact, thank God for that. I don't think I will ever have the desire to, um, look for potential campus crushes or anything after this. As the Malay saying goes, I don't want banana to fruit two times (pisang berbuah dua kali HAHAHAHAHAHA!!). 'Sides, going to class for the sake of eyeing your crush sangat menyimpang okeh. Belajar tak ikhlas.

Excuse me while I go and find Raph in my dreams.

Alice

old flame?

Hari ni aku dapat missed call misteri dari sape entah aku pun tak tau. Dia call nombor aku yang lama. Disebabkan nombor lama tu aku selalu guna untuk urusan-urusan rasmi, aku pun cuak la takut-takut Tunku Sofiah Larasih ke telefon aku (contoh...mane la tau permohonan aku untuk claim balik deposit Toroa College diluluskan ke kan), so aku call la balik. Orang tersebut angkat. Berikut merupakan transkrip perbualan aku dengan orang tersebut.

Aku: H-hello, saya Fatimah, tadi ada telefon nombor ni ke? (nada sungguh formal tapi tergagap-gagap because I suck at verbal conversations)

Orang: Huh? <--- okey sah bukan pegawai mana-mana

Aku: Er, ni nombor sape yek?

Orang: Hai, saya Saiful, dari KEMPAS.

Gila sial! KEMPAS yang dah lama gila aku shove jauh-jauh dari memori aku kot (ada peristiwa buruk berkaitan dengan tu). Apahal makhluk ni call aku pulak, lepas 4 tahun kot baru nak contact.

And, sejak bila la pulak ada budak nama Saiful dari KEMPAS ni? Saiful PKTR aku tau la, sebab aku love him so strong (inside joke). Ke aku yang lupa?

(FYI, KEMPAS tu ialah Kem Pendidikan Alam Semulajadi 2007 peringkat kebangsaan. Aku, Linda ngan Amirah Samsuri (A-Level) pergi jadik wakil negeri time tu, menang second place. Kat situ aku jumpa S*****)

By the way, sambung conversation.

Aku: KEMPAS? KEMPAS 4 tahun lepas tu? Biar betul kau. Mana dapat nombor ni?

Orang: Mana dapat tu tak penting, yang penting saya nak kawan dengan awak. Saya suka sangat tengok awak. Boleh kita berkawan?

Kau tau tak, aku cukup anti betul bila makhluk spesies Homo sapiens kromosom XY dah mula keluarkan ayat "boleh kita berkawan" dan sewaktu dengannya ni. Kau nak kawan, kawan je la tak perlu bagi ayat bunga-bunga. Biasa kalau makhluk XY ni bagi ayat macam tu mesti dia ada intention lain, as in carik awek. Bukan niat aku untuk jadik sombong ke apa, tapi aku lagi prefer if you cut the clichéd words short and say things like "Hey, I heard you like Goa trance. Menarik gila, biasanya girls dengar lagu Justin Bieber (contoh). Saya suka heavy metal, tapi ada jugak lagu Goa trance yang saya suka. Filteria sangat bagus".

(sekadar selingan. Apparently ramai heavy metal fans suka lagu ni sebab ia SANGAT AWESOME!)

Dan satu lagi, what's with that "Saya suka sangat tengok awak" tu? Boleh kau ingat pulak muka aku macamana lepas dah 4 tahun? Kalau benda ni betul la, aku memang salute habis. Dahlah tak pernah contact, tiba-tiba stalk cakap "saya suka sangat tengok awak". Creepy. Part ni dah mula menimbulkan syak wasangka aku.

ALSO, weh apekahhhhh??? Perkataan yang aku paling anti! Mana dapat nombor? "Itu tak penting...". GAHHHH boleh tak bagitau terus? Kau mintak dari adik aku ke, dari Linda ke, kau google nama aku keluar nombor aku ke. Sebab aku tak bagi nombor aku kat strangers okeh mestilah aku kena tau sebab aku panik. Kalau nak kata dapat dari buku program KEMPAS, aku punya nombor tu tak wujud lagi masa zaman KEMPAS kot. Aku beli lepas kem tu sebab nak tepon S***** lama-lama (kantoi).

Cakap pasal S*****, aku tiba-tiba dapat realization. Wait, budak ni kata dia budak KEMPAS, siapa la pulak yang tau pasal KEMPAS ni kan. Dia dapat nombor yang memang aku tak bagi kat budak KEMPAS yang lain except S***** dan schoolmates dia.

Ni mesti makhluk S***** menyamar ni! Suara pun macam sama! Hoh! (Linda ade kata dia nak contact aku balik before SACE hari tu, tapi aku tak bagi dia nombor baru kasi padan muka sikit).

So aku tanya dia:

Aku: Yo, ni S***** ke?

Orang: *senyap jap* Eh tak lah.

Aku: Cakap betul-betul, ni S***** ke? Macam ye je.

Orang: Bukan. Saya Saiful.

Disebabkan aku dah geram dan sayang kredit, aku suruh dia mesej aje and letak tepon. Dia kemudiannya bagi mesej yang berikut:

"Awak, saya nak kawan dengan awak boleh ke tak? Lagipun saya dah tengok muke awak kat facebook tau. Awak comel sangat..."

Aku geram tau tak geram. Nampak sangat.

"Mane dapat nombor ni? Please bagitau. I don't give my number to strangers"

Dan dia tak reply2 lagi sampai sekarang.

Aku akan keep on with my first guess; 'Saiful' itu ialah S***** yang sedang menyamar. Aku ambik ESLS dan Maths Studies aku tau la deduce. Berdasarkan bukti-bukti di bawah, aku 95% confident yang dia tu S***** sebab:

1. Dia tau kewujudan KEMPAS.
2. Dia tau nombor aku
3. Dia punya suara sejiban
4. Taktik provokasi yang aku memang tau milik dia (awak comel la etc etc)
5. Tak nak cakap mana dapat nombor aku
6. 'Saiful'. LOL appropriate sungguh nama kau.

Aku takdela nak mengamuk lebih-lebih. Aku pun pernah menyamar ape, kenakan Ezra (kahkahkahkahkahkahkah). Tapi uh, kalau betul la kau S*****, apasal tak cakap je terus terang. Bukan aku nak makan kau pun. Hari tu aku tak contact sebab aku terlepas call kau, lepas tu malas nak call balik sebab takde kredit.

Dan kalau kau betul Saiful from KEMPAS, uh, please cakap mana dapat nombor okeh? Itu pet peeve aku orang tak nak bagitau mana dapat nombor. Aku takde la pulak join FinGang ke Brader Sistah Gempak ke ape.

Tapi, uh, lantaklah. Tak kacau hidup aku pun sebenarnya. At least ada bahan nak buat update blog kan muahahahaha. Sorry kalau terkasar bahasa gahahahaha (lol sorry tak ikhlas).

At least now you know what repels me,

Alice

astronomy is awesome

Firstly, I don't want to have any romantic relationship with any guy (at least for the time being), especially if that guy is not Raphael (or at least Raphael-like). Having said that, don't expect me to be too friendly to you guys whatsoever. No offline communications, no "let's go out together!!!1!!1!!!!!", no direct contacts. Been there done that. Nak keluar sama mesti belanja. All expenses paid. Tambang pun taja sekali. Aku tak kira. Kau nak label aku materialistik ke hape ke silakan. If you can't sacrifice for me now, I cannot justify being your wife in the future. Nuff said.

Secondly, I love full moon. I really do. Full moon rising is the best natural phenomenon ever (besides the usual eclipses). If you are lucky enough, go to any place where you can almost see the horizon without any obstructions during a full moon night, preferably around Maghrib. You will see a beautiful orange full moon . (I rarely have a chance to witness this event because kat depan bilik banyak pokok and bangunan and whatnots makanya sangat sedih).

Thirdly, I'm sorry if I offended you. Apparently I have this 'enhanced' interpretation skills that leads me to misinterpret many an innocent status updates/ blog posts. The blame should be put entirely on me.

Fourthly (that sounds odd), I want macarons. I want I want I want I don't care I really want some macarons!!!11!11!!!!

Rose and pistachio and caramel and cherry with Nutella (I can go on forever with the list of 'freaky' flavours) is teh awesomest.

Fifthly, you can see Jupiter clearly right now. Look at the moon, and find the nearest bright object that doesn't twinkle. That's Jupiter. I want me a telescope, that would be awesome.

Yes, misleading title is misleading :D

a day out with my dearly missed friend

Last week I suddenly had this weird urge to reconnect with my old childhood friends, so I tried to search for my best bud in primary school via Facebook.

and to my surprise, she's there!

I was like sooo overjoyed because it has been a very very long time since I last met her (specifically, 7 years). She was my first ever friend, greeting me warmly on my first day at kindergarten despite me looking like a sickly anaemic girl back then (to quote her: "Fatimah tau tak hari first kite jumpe Fatimah tu kite nampak muke Fatimah pucat sangat. Takut kite.") For six years, she became my best friend, going everywhere together, keeping no secrets from each other, rarely got into fights/arguments, visiting each other's houses often (meh, precisely, it was me. I came to her house almost everyday to join a kelas mengaji nearby her house), being so close we were mistaken for sisters. That was until I had to move out of my childhood town of Jementah, to stay with my grandma due to some severe problems caused by a bunch of useless bastards *coughpaternalrelativescough*. We still kept in touch with each other back then until I moved to JB and went to STJ. From that moment, I did not have any opportunity to contact her (lost her number, couldn't possibly return to Jementah, no mutual friends in my new hometown). Almost gave up, thought that there's no way I'm going to meet her again.

That's when Facebook came to rescue. With a few strokes of my keyboard, I managed to trace her, the person I've been dying to meet again, the person who taught me the meaning of friendship for the first time.

Thank God! And yay to Facebook!

Turned out that she no longer lived in Jementah; she's now in Pontian which is very near to JB. We had our first ever telephone conversation in five years, spending more than ten minutes talking about how much we missed each other. She suggested that we have a meetup somewhere in JB, and I immediately agreed. OMG like, I'm going to meet her after seven years of not seeing each other? Unbelievable indeed!

The reunion was last Tuesday, 24th of November. I've been imagining about so many things to talk to her, trying to plan five years worth of storytelling to be cramped into a few hours of meetup. I could not wait to see how much have she changed in seven years time, and could not wait to show her mine too. So after finishing my regular tolong-mak-buat-kuih routine, I hurried off to meet her at Perling Mall...

...only to discover that she had brought two guys along. Two smoking guys, may I point out. I thought that it was supposed to be about us, about our storytelling time, about the reminiscence of our happier childhood days. But with the two guys along, I found it difficult to say what I wanna say. No privacy. Apparently, she met them during her maritime interview earlier that day (her reason for coming to JB exactly) and they have asked for a lift to Larkin Sentral. What shocked me most was that she had only known those two guys for a few hours, and right at the moment I found myself in her car driven by one of those guys. Omo, what happened to rape alert?? Well, it's not that I regard all guys as rapists, but when it comes to strangers (especially male, smoking, kampung hooligan-types) whom I've only known for less than a day, I would be waay more careful and definitely not going to let my car being driven by the said strangers. Meh, never mind that. Had my alcohol spray and cutter in my bag.

I thought that it was supposed to be a regular makan-makan meetup (I suggested earlier that we go to City Square), but instead we spent a good proportion of our 'meetup' in the car, driving aimlessly around JB. I could still tolerate it if she's the one driving the car, but with that said guy behind the steering, I suddenly found myself panicking. I know there will be something happening after this. Please God save me from any misfortune.

And like I expected, something bad happened. The said guy, not familiar with the tangled-up roads of JB (he's from Batu Pahat if I'm not mistaken) made an illegal U-turn right in front of a waiting traffic police. Of course, mmg kena tahan la ngan polis tu. I, who had been containing my annoyed/worried feeling from the beginning, sit back and watched the whole driver-police drama with a hydrochloric acid face. Nuh-uh I'm not going to say anything. It's not my fricken fault we were busted. I knew people like that will somehow get me into trouble (tried and tested. Trust me, I have a lot of experience with those kinds of people during my wild eleven-year-old days). But anyhoo, thank God coz the police was so generous, he let the driver go (despite him doing a suicidal traffic offence and not having a valid driver's license. Can you believe that???) and only ordered for my friend here to drive the car since it was her car, sparing us from the possibility of a fricken saman. Good thing though, if we were fined I'm so not going to pay for that.

After that misfortunate event, we finally headed to Larkin Sentral to send those two guys back home. And only after that did I have the opportunity to talk to my friend freely, being the talkative person I used to be seven years ago. From our short conversation during the journey from Larkin to my home (which took about ten minutes. Duh) I found out that a few of my primary school friends had been involved with indecent activities (read: sex) and several other random stories from our childhood memories. But since we had so much time left - thanks to those two guys - I didn't get the chance to do those things I've already planned. Hmm. I guess there's always next time, since she lives near JB and we can have another meetup next time.

Though a bit disappointed, I must say, it's good to see her again :)