could you define the word paranoiac

I used to think Younger Brother was not as awesome as Simon's other projects, probably because they don't really make Shpongle-tinged psychedelic ambient (unlike Celtic Cross, Purple Om, Mystery of the Yeti and Dub Trees). Younger Brother features sounds that you wouldn't expect coming from the great Simon Posford himself. I mean, Simon is synonymous with psychedelic ambient and Goa trance, he wouldn't possibly produce stuffs that sound like a marriage between Pink Floyd and Coldplay innit? The "un-psybientness" is especially prominent in their latest album Vaccine, where you could actually get Ru singing like he's freaking Chris Martin. But after exploring their tracks pre-Vaccine, I actually found them highly interesting. After all, the whole Pink Floyd-ness vibe is not that bad, I like Pink Floyd. And by making something outside the usual Goa-psy spectrum, more people are aware of the existence of the musical genius that is Simon Posford. Let's just hope he won't end up being the psybient version of Infected Mushroom - too much mainstream exposure can be bad for the imagination (what the hell do they have in mind - a 3 1/2 minute-long psy track???).

'All I Want' is my current favourite YB track, because it's rather psychedelic and has that distinctive Simon + Benji vibe presented in a refreshing way. And Loituma samples - who would've thought of putting that? I also love the vocal samples in the beginning of the track - weird accent, weirdly beautiful. Paranoiac critical method. Awesome.

Talk about paranoiac, 'Adrien having a girlfriend already' is another one of my paranoid assumption. But still, there are possibilities. I didn't know why I was so upset about it - I realized he's too far-fetched for me. Maybe this whole incident reminds me of the things that happened during my school days. I did not feel disappointed, I feel humiliated. This is exactly the reason why I don't want to make the first move (and by first move, I didn't mean flirting whatsoever. I was just sending an innocent message saying hello for God's sake!). When I eventually did, bad things happened. Like that one time when I tried to befriend Ezra, my schoolmate. And shit like these actually decreased my self-esteem further. I mean, am I that repulsive or what? Too eccentric weird? Too ugly? I know this sounded like me circa 2006 (or like any random 15-year-old girls with raging hormones. I should feel ashamed because I'm an effin adult now, I'm 20), but hell.

Anyhoo, to make myself feel better, I made a list on why I deserve someone better than Adrien. Among other things, I included 'fckin womaniser', 'drinks alcohol', 'not a fellow dreamer', 'not a spitting image of Raphael because Raphael is WAY better than that' and 'doesn't even know freakin Shpongle!!! Are you fckin kidding me!!! And he calls himself alty!!!' in my list. Now that really made me feel better!

On the bright side, looks like my New Year Resolution #15 will stay intact, thank God for that. I don't think I will ever have the desire to, um, look for potential campus crushes or anything after this. As the Malay saying goes, I don't want banana to fruit two times (pisang berbuah dua kali HAHAHAHAHAHA!!). 'Sides, going to class for the sake of eyeing your crush sangat menyimpang okeh. Belajar tak ikhlas.

Excuse me while I go and find Raph in my dreams.

Alice

lelaki ade yg xgune... ade, not all

Klaha yang suke kucing ialah satu contoh lelaki gentleman yang tidak tergolong dalam golongan tak gune tu

sorang adik form 1 0913 (yg aku xkenal pon) tanye aku "Akak rase umur brape sesuai kapel?"

aku cakap kat die "High school ni xyahla kapel2 dik oi... guys are not serious in their relationship during high school...diorang bese nak main2 jek, or nak merasa, or nak ade 'title', or hormonal drive. "

dan die pun reply, "Ooooo..."

budak2 zaman sekarang. Sekolah rendah pun dah kapel (aku la tuhhh :P)

Dulu aku fikir kapel tu mesti best. Ape yang best aku tak tau. Mebe rase disayangi kot.

Tapi lepas kapel ngan 3 orang losers, I quit.

And I made a conclusion that teenage years are not the time to be in a relationship.

Aku malas nak bitching2 sal my previous bfs, sbab one of them dh kne belasah habis kat dalam blog aku ni (kat sini). But yeah, somehow I always end up with the wrong persons. Yang not straight la, yang overly obsessed la, yang playboy la, yang curik motor la. Desperate la katekan. Guys yang aku suke xpernah la return my love. Aku tunjuk cmane pon still xpaham2. Kadang2 rase diri ni sangatlah gedik n hegeh. Pastu ade yg macam ade tanda2, tp last2 aku yg perasan lebey.

Then we have random male strangers. Orang yang aku tak kenal pon tp suke make my life miserable. Contohnye mamat2 loser yang ntah dari mane tetibe suit2 aku ('suit' itu ialah slang bagi catcall) bile nampak aku jalan sorang2. Or makhluk2 yang bawak lori/bas/kereta/traktor yang tetibe hon cipan punye kuat diikuti dgn the said suit2 mase aku nak lintas jalan. Or setan2 yang cube pecah rumah aku tyme aku darjah 6 sbb nak 'baham' aku tape terpakse berputih mata sbb tyme tu aku xde kat rumah. Dasar __________ btol ah (insert expletives here).

And that actually made me become slightly androphobic. All male strangers are capable of inflicting harm towards me - Subconscious told me that. Sebab tu la kalo aku kuar sorang2 aku memang tak tinggal ah gunting/pisau/jarum/paku/racun/pepper spray kat dalam beg aku. Or make myself look terrifying, like a vampire ke. Pakai sumer hitam. Pakai eyeliner tebal2. Up to the point of wearing black lipstick. And sengaje wat pisau/gunting/etc aku visible. Ape2 saje asalkan I'm not being bothered. Kadang2 that androphobia terbawak2 dlm social life. "Oh, mamat ni saje nak test aku ni gedik/murah/cikaro ke tak. Baik jangan layan." Macam tu lah.

Sometimes I hope I live in an era where guys have immense chivalry/gallantry. Sangat malang la aku sbb dalam abad ke-21 ni, chivalry is dead. Susah nak carik guy yang btol2 gentleman, kalo ade pon gentle man ade la. Nak carik yang aristocrat type macam, er, Klaha-sama (aku dh hilang idea nk bg contoh sape. PEOPLE PLS DUN SUGGEST EDWARD CULLEN!!!) sungguh datukla susah. Kadang2 aku risau cmane nnti bile aku kahwin. Laki aku nanti mcm yg aku nak ke tak. Dapat yang hormat pompuan ke, or yang jenis juara sepak terajang anak bini (flaming over drama malam Ahad hari tu)? Kang tak kahwin kang aku ni.

Sebab tu la kot, for the time being, I'll just stick to my Raphael. Walaupun die mmg xwujud (boleh jdk wujud...aku jek lom jumpe die), at least he's better than many guys out there. Ntahla. Tengoklah nanti yek aku kahwin ngan sape. Tp skarang ni aku memang xde niat nak kapel, sebab buang mase. Buang kredit, buang air mata. I'm not a lovey-dovey type. Selagi ko belum jadik laki aku, ko still stranger dlm idop aku. Xde keje aku nak komited kat ko ke, pujuk2 ko ke, call2 ko slalu ke, tanye ko dh makan ke blom ke <---- sbb tu org takut nk jdk bf aku kot

Wait. Somebody pls tell me nape aku tulis ni at da first place?