23 October

This post is for my friend, one of my best ones, the coolest person I've ever known personally in my whole life. She whose unique insights on life changed those of my own, whose myriads of wonderful books expanded my reading list, whose exquisite taste in music enriched mine, whose talent and passion for art never failed to amaze me, whose beautiful poetries cheered me up and made me wonder, whose patience with my immature antics made me learn, whose sincere help brought me out of misery at times when I didn't know who else can I turn to, whose genuine friendship rekindled my hope. She whose 20th birthday is today.

Happy birthday dear Leana. Age is not just a number, it is also Experience, Maturity and Wisdom. May Allah bless you always, and in everything that you do. Sucks that I didn't get to give you a handwritten letter, but I got Julian to write something for you. Hope that will suffice :P See you this summer :D

revamp

A two-month long hiatus broken with a post about the said hiatus. How meta.

Blog is revamped, because that's what I usually do every time I came back from a hiatus. Not content with needing to manage two separate blogs, I now have a tumblr. What better thing to do on a quiet Friday night than scrolling through 43 pages on my dashboard and reblogging the hell out of Cute Boys with Cats? (They have Dave Franco!!!)

It's spring now in Dunedin, which is the awesomest, because spring is my favourite season. That's not entirely true though, because I like winter even more - you get to wear your loveliest winter coats, and see gorgeous guys wearing blazers and vampiric long coats. Eh. Also, if you're lucky, you get to experience snow. Thank Allah, I am one of them lucky ones - it snowed twice here in Dunedin.

Snow fight!

Ah, I miss winter. I might be complaining about the temperature all the time, but at least I could experience things that I could only dream of. Now that the temperature's getting hotter, I have to ditch my coats and blazers aside. I often found myself going out feeling naked because I'm so used to having an extra layer of clothing over my usual jeans and t-shirt combo.  But then, Allah gave me something even better - a chance to witness thousands of flowers blooming before my very eyes.

pics by Linda. I forgot to transfer mine.

The flowers are just beginning to bloom, so at this point there's not much of them save for some lovely rhododendrons, sakura (which are very short-lived and are getting lesser and lesser day by day), daffodils (a whole field of them!) and other random flowers we found at the Botanic Gardens. We're still waiting for tulips and roses - I think by the time we finish our final exams, they'll be blooming like crazy and Dunedin will be much more colourful. I can't wait.

Social relationship-wise, I made new friends, which is always a good thing. I'm still trying to polish my conversational English, although I do still stutter quite a lot. And I get to talk to poi girl! At last! Hahaha. I was doing five-beat weave aimlessly in front of Clocktower one sunny afternoon when she suddenly approached me and asked where did I get my poi. Got some cool new moves from her as well. 

Talk about poi, meet my Cheshire Poi, Bella and Belly :D

So yeah, I guess that's it. It's 12.35 am now and I need to go to sleep. If I don't update for the next couple of months, you can always visit me on my tumblr. I've got lots of psychedelic pictures there, they're good for your eyes hahaha. Till next time.

Alice

New wishlist (in no particular order)

1. Shpongle!!!
2. A pair of LED poi.
3. If that's too expensive, a pair of psychedelic striped poi
4. PiHKAL
5. LSD My Problem Child
6. Some Bodyline stuffs, especially this bag
7. Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming
8. A new mp3 player, preferably 4GB coz my 4-year-old one buat hal
9. Something decent from Dream of Lolita (I'm still drooling over Melty Chocolate btw)
10. A dreamcatcher
11. Psychedelic tapestries :D
12. Lovely cotton fabric, like these
13. Any kind of cotton as long as I can make a dress out of it
14. Yardley English Rose. It's been long since I use that
15. A loliable black blouse
16. A loliable anything. Preferably classic/aristocrat stuffs
17. A gorgeous coat. One that reminds me of Moi-meme-Moitie. Perhaps something like this or this
18. A mini sewing machine
19. Hippie chic jewelleries & clothing
20. Can I ask for Isaac here? XDDDDDD
21. More rings! Hahahahaha
22. A make up set
23. Melatonin + choline + B6 pills for my dreams
24. A new dream journal. Yang lama dah nak penuh
25. All A's for this sem. Get into Pharmacy School. Failing that, get into Pharmtox Department
26. More shoes
27. I need my 10 lucid dreams per month back
28. Supply of legal psychoactives. Pseudoephedrine. Salvia (lol jk!)
29. DJ set
30. Digital camera
31. As usual, Raphael.

I get what I want. Insya-Allah. (Including that Raphael part hahaha!)

Alice

Bersihkah?

I personally think both sides overreacted. If it was meant to be a peaceful rally, treat it as so - there's no need for people to flood the streets making KL look like freakin Thailand. Siap baju kuning baju merah semua. For all I know a peaceful rally is not supposed to look like what I saw on my news feed last Saturday/Sunday. You don't bring weapons on a peaceful rally, that defeats the whole purpose. And triggers unnecessary action from the authorities.

And what's with the excessive number of police force employed as if there's a war going on, deploying water cannon and tear gas and all? You guys are not Israeli soldiers! This is not Palestine! For God's sake itu semua tak perlu, unless people began to act violently, bakar2 kereta pecah2 kedai semua like the riot in Vancouver.

And with that much people you would expect there would be sufficient medical help around in case of emergency. I don't know if it's otherwise (Bersih supporters chose not to portray the good side of the 'riot control'? Who knows?), but from what I've been observing through videos and news, that's not the case. Someone even died in the rally after receiving late medical treatment post-tear gas exposure. Please tell me if I'm wrong.

Why can't people pick a group of people large enough to get the message across, but small enough so as to avoid triggering panic-induced actions by the authorities? A few hundred is enough. Assign several police to monitor the rally, just in case. You don't have to gather police from all over Malaysia to control them, itu sangat menyusahkan semua orang termasuk polis sendiri. I didn't say that a rally/street protests/whatever you might call it is a bad way to make your voice heard - Mahatma Gandhi also employed this method, and it was successful - but if you are going to make one, at least make it properly. Properly, true to what people claim it to be - a peaceful rally.

Or was it just impossible to be done? Malaysians are too rebellious to do anything in control? Authorities are too paranoid to let people's voice be heard (especially one that involves things like 'SPR', 'pilihanraya', 'telus' and 'adil')? I know that similar rallies under the same name had been done in different countries last Saturday, but I am yet to hear reports of violence/ things getting out of control like what happened in Malaysia.

And should EVERY single movement in this country be affiliated with political parties and specific ethnicities? Maybe we are so accustomed to obsessed with fighting under the name of 'Melayu/Cina/India etc' and 'BN/PAS/DAP/Keadilan etc' that every other things we fight for must have connections with these. Bersih was supposed to be a neutral rally, away from the controls of specific political parties, be it Opposition or Government or whatever. What was supposed to be a movement for a clean election had morphed into a battle of the races, not to mention a battle between BN supporters and Pakatan Rakyat supporters. Just keep scrolling down. Malaysians, are we that narrow? Remember 13 May?

I may not be able to witness everything first hand, but I do know one thing - don't bother dreaming about Bersih 3.0 if you still don't know what's the real definition of a 'peaceful rally'. Don't bother having another Bersih rally until you have trained yourself to be more civilised. DON'T EVER attend a rally just for the sake of being rebellious. That's just stupid.

If everybody stop themselves from overreacting, Malaysia would be a much nicer place to live. This applies for both sides, the people and the government.

Alice

KEEP CALM AND...

In Shpongleland, there is no invasion. Everyone is interconnected through an invisible thread of cosmic unity, there's no reason for an invasion to take place. Should there be any, though, we carry on and do what we do best - getting Shpongled. One of the ways to enhance your Shpongling experience is by smoking DMT, because it's Simon's favourite. HAHAHA.

Click here for history, and here for more ways to keep calm. Of course, getting Shpongled is still the best option.

Credits to Leana for the ideas behind the poster and the whole blog post itself (I'm making a parody of her post! XDDDD)

Alice

why do people fall in love

I've been wanting to ask this question for a very very long time, but I just didn't know to whom should I ask. Definitely not my mom, coz I don't share lovey dovey stuffs like this with my family members. Why do people fall in love? How can people love each other? What makes a person willing to devote their everything for a particular person? (Note: for convenience purposes, 'love' in this entry refers to romantic love, that feeling towards a person you barely know for how many years or even less than that, not maternal love whatsoever)

I always thought that guys don't have the emotional capability to love another person. After romantically involved with several guys throughout my life, I came to the conclusion that among these XY chromosome possessors, love simply exists in the form of lust. What other explanation do I have, after knowing several guys who demanded sex from me, and harassed by several others? Although I realize that my statement here is severely biased, I still can't see how that very idea of love can be applied to a guy. Even if lust does not take place here, how can a species associated with dominance, assertiveness, strength and ego could give in to something as gentle as love? When you say you love a particular girl, do you love her because she's beautiful, or because she stirs up something on your groin, or because she loves you first? Or for some other reasons I might fail to see? For guys in their teenage/ young adult years, what makes you willing to say "I love you" to a girl when you are still unsure of your own future? Do you say so because your peers challenged you to go and confess to her? Some sort of game among your guy friends, to see who can tackle the most number of girls? To avoid yourself from being left out because everybody has a girlfriend or two already?

To girls my age who are 'in love': was it really love? How can you be so sure? It could be merely loneliness, or jealousy. You may simply want someone to understand your thoughts and your emotions, or someone to be your conversation partner, perhaps. For all I know, you don't need a boyfriend in your life for that. Most of the time, XY Homo sapiens are terrible when it comes to understanding girls and stuffs. I effin know very well, I could relate to girls my age when it comes to this. Being girls, there would be moments when we simply feel like having someone to 'fill the emptiness in our heart', whatever that means. That's not freaking 'love'. That's something else.

It baffles me how people who are practically teenagers could utter those three sacred words to their 'significant others' so easily. When you say you 'love' someone, it means so much more than sending morning messages, going out for dates, having romantic conversations on MSN/Skype, exchanging gifts every once in a while, stuffs young couples always do. Loving someone means you would sacrifice yourself for that someone, even when you have to die in the process. How could you possibly do that to a person who's practically a stranger in your life? A person whom you have just known for several weeks/months/years? I won't do that, personally. That would be too bizarre.

One more thing. If mutual feelings are required in a relationship, how can two persons possibly fall in love with each other at the same time? I mean, how can A fall in love with B at exactly the same time when B falls in love with A? Wouldn't the probability be so small? From what I've been observing, a romantic relationship usually starts with someone 'falling helplessly in love' with a person, who later agrees to be his/her lover. If that's the case, don't you think it will practically be a one-sided love? When you say yes to a guy's proposal to make you his girlfriend, were you in love with him at the first place, or do you simply say yes because you don't want to break his heart? Because you were thrilled to finally have someone confessing his love to you (as in my case)? Because you were lonely and want to have someone to 'fill that emptiness in your heart'?

I have never been in love, so I may not be the right person to write something like this. No, having a crush on someone is not freakin love. That's infatuation, and infatuation won't last long. I haven't been to the point where I could sacrifice myself for a freakin XY Homo sapiens. But I'm curious, you know, to hear something from people who claim to be in love/have been in love. So please, answer me. I need to know.

Don't you effin misconstrue me or anything. I am not desperate/being extra androphobic/have given up hope on love. I just want to know.

Alice

it's holiday, holiday, gotta get down on holiday!

TIME TO UNLEASH REBECCA!

too bad the video was removed, though.

I have 3 weeks of holiday. I swear I won't do anything academic during my holiday (besides my usual lucid dreaming/psychoactive drugs researches maybe). In the meantime, I have another list. I love making lists, it makes me feel more organised. #yeahright

Alice's List of Things to Do During a 3-Week Long Holiday (in no particular order)

1. Sew one two freakin lolita dresses!!! Buy sewing stuffs, Google up tutorials, draft patterns. Sew a petticoat.
2. Learn at least 10 new poi tricks from this guy by the end of the holiday. Buy/make one proper sock poi. (you wanna buy this for my un-birthday? It's a bargain!)
3. Get back into lucid dreaming. Haven't got one for 2 weeks already, and I can't even blame pseudoephedrine this time. Also, resume writing in dream journal. Poor guy got abandoned for almost 2 weeks, too bad.
4. Spend all day in secondhand bookstores. Scribes is a warm and cozy place to be at this winter.
5. Start writing The Maya Dream (my writing project, ideas courtesy of Leana. Planning to write a dream journal-like novella).
6. Finish up abandoned artwork and start on new ones.
   it's psylocybe as in PSYlocybe. :P
   
   
7. Trip to Cadbury World. A must!
8. Trip to the beach, perhaps. Tunnel Beach maybe.
9. Trip to Oamaru. I don't wanna spend the whole holiday stuck in Dunedin.
10. Finish up reading The Psychedelic Experience, Art of Dreaming (and other Castaneda books I abandoned), DMT: The Spirit Molecule (still hasn't arrived).
11. Watch movies and TV series. Medical Investigations is awesome.
12. Lolita photoshoot at the Botanic Gardens. :D
13. Shopping spree! Savemart shopping spree!
14. Bake something. Or, try new recipes. What? I do love cooking! More so when it comes to cooking stuffs I love to eat, like weird Indian curries and French stuffs. Potato gratin sounds simple; maybe I'll start with that.
15. Make a new song. I accidentally got a new song while frying my hash brown last night, but I didn't record it so I've lost it already. Grrr.
16. Post Leana's On The Road. Heeeeeee sorry for the delay XP

Let's just hope I won't end up abandoning this list and spend the whole 3 weeks glued to the computer, scrolling through Memebase instead.

Alice

feeling a bit nostalgic...

...I decided to compile a list of songs which can make me feel nostalgic. I'm freaky like that, hahaha!

Taste Experience - Summersault: Reminds me of the time when me and my youngest bro could still get along and do things without feeling awkward. I taught him to play the song on my keyboard so that we could play duet.

Funny - Sing A Song (All Night Long): Despite the sheer ridiculousness of this song, I really love this! This is one of my first favourite dance music song. Back when I was 8 or 9, this song was played everywhere, especially at dollar stores (they tend to play lots of crappy Ah Beng nu-italo disco stuffs like that). I remember getting all excited when I heard this song played in a pirated CD shop, and proceeded to ask the salesgirl the title of the song. Of course she didn't know it lol. 11 years later, I rediscovered this song from Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music. Took me 11 freaking years to search for a ridiculously addictive nu-Italo disco track!

Astral Projection - Mahadeva: My very first Goa trance exposure. Found this on Astral Projection's official website in 2003. Before the advent of Celcom Broadband and affordable mp3 players, I had fun blasting this song on my neighbourhood cyber cafe's faulty speakers, much to the dismay of rempit guys sitting beside me.

Push - Strange World: This was on my first ever dance music cassette, bought in 2002 from my kampung's pasar malam (of course it's pirated, duh). Cassettes are effin annoying - this is my favourite song from the compilation, but replaying it was a pain in the ass (mechanical forward/rewind and stuff, have to be very precise kalau tak nanti terlajak). Thank God for mp3s!

Ian van Dahl - Castles in the Sky: Discovered this from The Official UK Top 40. They used to have this on hitz.fm every Saturday, and I would spend my Saturday evening glued to the radio, religiously jotting down every single dance music songs appearing on the chart (songs from the likes of Flip N Fill, N-Trance, Kelly Llorenna, Scooter, occasional Prodigy). This song reminds me of the times when I had to stay at dad's mother's house, zaman-zaman merempat dulu. Still a cool song though.

4 Strings - Take Me Away: Back then when I had to stay at my maternal grandmother's house, I worked as waitress at grandma's food stall in Gunung Ledang. Johor FM was the official radio station at the food stall, playing the latest Malay hits and lengthy news segments. Odd enough, in between songs and DJs babbling about random stuffs, they played an instrumental version of this song.

Daft Punk - One More Time: I think this came out when I was 9 or 10, no? I was particularly excited about it receiving airplay on commercial radio stations like hitz.fm (it was even on their daily chart! How cool is that?) Back then I was obsessed with songs with vocodered vox, so naturally Daft Punk became my instant obsession.

Cosmos - Take Me With You: From good ol' Essential Selection circa 2001, used to be on Red FM every Friday at 10 pm. Again, kept me glued to the radio until midnight. Friday night was my dance music marathon night, with Wicked playing house and trance from 8 pm, followed by Essential Selection at 10. Those were the times when my only source of dance music was from commercial radio stations, and good thing Red FM had a dedicated dance music segment every weeknights.

Holden & Thompson - Nothing: When I was in Form 1, I was too noob to go back to JB from my school at Kuala Pilah on my own, so dad had to fetch me. He would take a bus to Seremban, and then I would follow him back home by bus. Basically the monthly cost of me going back home would be doubled, because he had to accompany me on my journey. I don't know how I could do that to my dad (hey, I was not the one asking for it). Anyhoo, one unfortunate evening (the day before Raya holiday), dad came and fetch me as usual, but by the time we reached Seremban, there were no tickets left to Johor Bahru. Not even a single ticket, bas tambahan pun takde. No choice left, we had to take a taxi, which costed around RM200 to JB. Thank God there was one unfortunate uncle who also had to go back to JB by taxi, so dad only had to pay RM130 (was still very expensive though). I felt like crying once we're in the taxi, and that's when this song came up on the radio. I still remember every single thing happening on that day every time I play this song. *cries*

Terry Bones vs Fred Baker - Return to Innocence: Form 1. It's either the bus, or dad fetching me all the way from JB by motorcycle. Yep, I'm not bluffing, I used to have several 300km+ journey from Kuala Pilah to JB, and back to Kuala Pilah again by motorcycle when it was time to go back. Come rain or shine, dad would spend a total of 24 hours to and fro Kuala Pilah on the road (6 hours from JB to KP, 6 hours with me from KP to JB, they cycle is repeated again when it's time to return to school). It must be very tiring for him. I'm such a terrible daughter. Anyhoo, the song. I used to listen to this song on one of those journeys, courtesy of Wicked. It was barely audible though, masked by the sounds of motorcycle engine and wind blowing past us.

Brother Brown - Under the Water and Chungking - Making Music: By the time I was in Form 2, I can finally go back home by bus on my own. My journey usually took 6 hours, and by the time I reach JB, it was already 9 pm. I spent the last hour of my journey listening to Wicked, and songs like these usually came up at the beginning of the show. Best part of the journey.

Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful: What? Of course I do listen to stuffs other than dance music! Again, discovered this song from The Official UK Top 40, one rainy Saturday night, in my late grandpa's van while on my way back from shopping at Tangkak. This is a very strange and beautiful song indeed, but it has now became my official stalking song. Most people I like are strange anyway, so yeah. Hahahaha.

Adele - Hometown Glory: I forgot when exactly did I first listen to this song, but this song is nostalgic for a reason. It's the song me and Leana performed on INTEC's Got Talent (we didn't even get to the final stage, though). So basically, this song reminds me of her. Aw, rindu lah.

I think that's all for now. I have lots of other nostalgic songs to be included, but meh. Exam, exam. In the meantime, what's your list of nostalgic songs?

Off to study Chem

Alice

best thing about living in NZ...

... I get to buy books I never thought I could buy! Hahaha!

Found this while browsing through Marbecks, a secluded CD store-cums-bookshop in Wall Street. They also had lots of obscure classics, and popular classics with gorgeous covers (note to Leana: I found 3 different versions of On The Road, and they're all awesome like heck).

I'm also waiting for my DMT: The Spirit Molecule to arrive in the mail, bought it off Whitcoulls. Next on my wishlist would be LSD My Problem Child and PiHKAL, found them at great prices on Mindfuel, but I'll probably need to wait until I get my next allowance to buy them. Um, maaaaaybe I'll buy me My Problem Child next month if I do well in my exams, it's only $30 anyway, with free shipping and all.

I really love bookstores here. You could buy books online with no additional shipping costs, you can get all sorts of obscure titles (do you honestly think I would find DMT: The Spirit Molecule at Malaysia? Last time I check I couldn't even find anything about lucid dreaming, let alone hallucinogens), the prices are great provided you don't convert the currency, and you could automatically get a 10% discount by being a student, without needing to apply for membership cards and renew them every year. Even if you want to apply for membership cards, it's absolutely free! And oh, if $20 per book is still too expensive for you, you could always buy them at secondhand bookstores at half the original price or lower. Gila awesome.

I guess this has got to do with the reading culture here. We don't have that strong of a culture in Malaysia; people prefer to read about the latest political sex scandal or stories about 'who gets raped by who' taken from Harian Metro instead of reading something worthwhile. You could hardly find people reading in public places or while waiting for something. I used to carry a book with me and read them while manning Mom's kuih stall, and oftentimes I found myself being the subject of teasing by rempit types who passed by, saying things like "hai kak, rajinnya, jual kuih pun sempat belajar" (I was reading Crichton's Sphere. I didn't know that could be considered as 'belajar'. Oh well, those bits about Drake equation maybe). Anyhoo, putting that aside, I would like to get myself a nice bookshelf and fill them with the books I bought/will buy while I'm studying here. Macam J dalam novel Empangan. There's an epic book sale coming up this September in Dunedin, where you could buy secondhand books at prices as low as $1. I can't wait.

That reminds me. I should totally update my bibliophile wishlist.

Alice

well, one can always try

Aku masuk pertandingan lagu puisi. How freaky is that?? I mean, okay I can always compose the songs via FL and stuffs, I have a reservoir of melodies on my head anyway, tapi nak tulis lirik dalam bentuk puisi? Dalam bahasa Melayu?? Like heck! Aku kalau bab bunga-bunga ni lemah sikit actually. Aku pun tak tau kenapa aku boleh ambil keputusan separa suicide dengan menerima tawaran Zariq untuk masuk benda lagu puisi bagai tu. Tangguh punya tangguh, sampai ke sudah aku tak siap lagi apa-apa.

Sampaila semalam. Dalam keadaan separa sedar lepas bangun dari tidur (hypnagogia maybe), aku tiba-tiba dapat ilham dalam bentuk random sets of words. So petang tu aku cuba tulis satu-satu, susun elok-elok. Cubaan pertama gila babas punya clichéd, ala-ala sajak aku tulis zaman Form 3 dulu ('jalan penuh duka, raungan kedengaran di mana-mana', stuffs like that). Tak tau la kalau ini pun boleh kira clichéd jugak, but oh well. Dah tak sempat, pertandingan tu Sabtu ni.

Seka Air Matamu

oleh Vryzzer

Sunyi

Walau bibir menguntum senyum tapi di jiwa tiada apa

Sunyi

Satu-satu menjadi debu, yang tinggal hanya rongga

Walau kau kata sinar itu ada, mengapa aku tak upaya

Hanya kelam yang aku rasa

Ini luahan si gadis sunti

Yang hatinya luluh dilanyak realiti

Katanya manusia itu hanya topengan

Mulia luaran disebalik kebinatangan

Rakus politikus menghenyak segala cita-cita

Cita untuk melihat hapusnya duka

Cita untuk mengecap indahnya cinta

Manusia itu apa?

Yang menoda tanah pusaka bangsa

Katanya tak apa, ini hak kita

Yang pengecut menikus tanpa bicara

Katanya tak apa, ini hal mereka

Biarkan sahaja, biarkan sahaja!

Manusia itu apa?

Yang obsesi merajai diri

Kata mereka, aku punya suka

Yang berkuasa mereka buta

Kata mereka, aku upaya

Biarkan sahaja, biarkan sahaja!

Lalu gadis sunti itu diam di situ

Bergenang matanya memandang sepi

Kukatakan padanya, seka air matamu

Kerna yakinlah, janji Tuhan itu pasti

If you're wondering, tema lagu puisi ini ialah kemanusiaan yang hilang. Ada la sikit2 pasal Palestin kot. Huaaaaaaaaaa maluuuuuu

Nanti lagu full aku upload kat Soundcloud.

Alice

could you define the word paranoiac

I used to think Younger Brother was not as awesome as Simon's other projects, probably because they don't really make Shpongle-tinged psychedelic ambient (unlike Celtic Cross, Purple Om, Mystery of the Yeti and Dub Trees). Younger Brother features sounds that you wouldn't expect coming from the great Simon Posford himself. I mean, Simon is synonymous with psychedelic ambient and Goa trance, he wouldn't possibly produce stuffs that sound like a marriage between Pink Floyd and Coldplay innit? The "un-psybientness" is especially prominent in their latest album Vaccine, where you could actually get Ru singing like he's freaking Chris Martin. But after exploring their tracks pre-Vaccine, I actually found them highly interesting. After all, the whole Pink Floyd-ness vibe is not that bad, I like Pink Floyd. And by making something outside the usual Goa-psy spectrum, more people are aware of the existence of the musical genius that is Simon Posford. Let's just hope he won't end up being the psybient version of Infected Mushroom - too much mainstream exposure can be bad for the imagination (what the hell do they have in mind - a 3 1/2 minute-long psy track???).

'All I Want' is my current favourite YB track, because it's rather psychedelic and has that distinctive Simon + Benji vibe presented in a refreshing way. And Loituma samples - who would've thought of putting that? I also love the vocal samples in the beginning of the track - weird accent, weirdly beautiful. Paranoiac critical method. Awesome.

Talk about paranoiac, 'Adrien having a girlfriend already' is another one of my paranoid assumption. But still, there are possibilities. I didn't know why I was so upset about it - I realized he's too far-fetched for me. Maybe this whole incident reminds me of the things that happened during my school days. I did not feel disappointed, I feel humiliated. This is exactly the reason why I don't want to make the first move (and by first move, I didn't mean flirting whatsoever. I was just sending an innocent message saying hello for God's sake!). When I eventually did, bad things happened. Like that one time when I tried to befriend Ezra, my schoolmate. And shit like these actually decreased my self-esteem further. I mean, am I that repulsive or what? Too eccentric weird? Too ugly? I know this sounded like me circa 2006 (or like any random 15-year-old girls with raging hormones. I should feel ashamed because I'm an effin adult now, I'm 20), but hell.

Anyhoo, to make myself feel better, I made a list on why I deserve someone better than Adrien. Among other things, I included 'fckin womaniser', 'drinks alcohol', 'not a fellow dreamer', 'not a spitting image of Raphael because Raphael is WAY better than that' and 'doesn't even know freakin Shpongle!!! Are you fckin kidding me!!! And he calls himself alty!!!' in my list. Now that really made me feel better!

On the bright side, looks like my New Year Resolution #15 will stay intact, thank God for that. I don't think I will ever have the desire to, um, look for potential campus crushes or anything after this. As the Malay saying goes, I don't want banana to fruit two times (pisang berbuah dua kali HAHAHAHAHAHA!!). 'Sides, going to class for the sake of eyeing your crush sangat menyimpang okeh. Belajar tak ikhlas.

Excuse me while I go and find Raph in my dreams.

Alice

NRT

I watched this ad for the first time on TV3 around 2 years ago. And every time I watch it, I couldn't help but to think of my dad. Now that I'm away from home, watching this ad once again made me cry. I love my dad so much (even though I never show it, we're one weird family), I couldn't bear the thoughts of losing him to diseases related to his habit. My whole life was spent living away from him (he worked at Singapore when I was 11, and I went to boarding school when I was 13), and I pray to God to give him good health so that I could spend more time with him. I saw what happened to my cousin's father (also a hardcore smoker) and it breaks my heart every time I think of it. I don't want dad to end up like that

Guess I should really introduce nicotine replacement therapy to him. Better late than never

bitchin'

We live in a world where physical appearances are much better appreciated than 'what's behind the curtains'. That's why we have girls putting their duckfaced pictures on their blog headers, trying their best to look like HanaYunaTajimaWhatever in every single shots. No, I don't have any specific opinions regarding these girls, although sometimes I do feel they have gone overboard.

But that's not my point. My point is, how often do you find a person attractive due to his or her quirkiness? Or, since quirkiness may only appeal to a small subset of the community, his or her charisma? Flair? Attitude? Most people would definitely go for what they could perceive with their naked eye. Having said that, if you are born pretty, or somehow found a way to make yourself look pretty, you will most likely be the subject of admiration for many people. Yep, I know, I'm merely restating an obvious fact; there's nothing new here. But how about those who did not have beauty (or physical attractiveness, at least, considering the word 'beauty' is so damn subjective) as their asset? Sure, someone would eventually notice that hidden, skin-deep beauty within them, but can you guarantee that they won't suffer from serious inferiority complex/ lack of self-esteem before that happens?

And guys still question why girls wear makeup and Hana Tajima-inspired outfits.

While we're at it, is quirkiness a turn-off?

Alice

talking? what's that?

I can't have a decent conversation with people.

No really, I can't.

No, I'm not trying to be pessimistic and start a two-page rant about my non-existent social skills, but that's the reality.

It's one of the many things I can't do well in life. Whenever I found myself engaged in conversations with people I'm unfamiliar with, things get awkward in a matter of seconds. Either I began babbling incoherently about things that are not worth mentioning (most of the time about myself - I'm self-centered like that lol), or I started stuttering while trying to say simple phrases like "How's your Physics test?", or the conversation died after two clichéd questions.

Example:

Me: Hi there, can I be your lab partner?

Girl: Sure, that'll be cool.

Me: So... what's your name?

Girl: I'm ____. And you?

Me: I'm Fatimah :D *forced smile, barely audible*

Girl: Oh, Tina?

Me: No, it's F-Fatimah *stutters* Just call me Tim.

Girl: Oh, alright then Tim.

*long pause, us doing our own thing*

Me: Sooo... where do you come from?

Girl: I'm from Auckland. You:

Me: I'm from Malaysia.

Girl: Cool! Malaysia is a lovely country.

Me: You think so?

Girl: Yeah, I like Malaysia.

Me: Cool!

*another long pause*

Me: Do you live in a residential college? (well duh, that's obviously a lame question because all first year students are required to stay in a residential college)

Girl: Yup, I'm staying at X College. Where do you live at?

Me: Ah, I'm staying at T-Toroa College *stutters again*

Girl: Sorry?

Me: Toroa, it's quite far from here, um, ah... *trying to find words to describe where exactly is the location of my college* ...near St David.

Girl: Cool! So you wanna stir this chemicals first?

*long pause lasted until the end of the lab*

Like heck. That happens in most of my labs, particularly one in which I don't have a permanent lab partner and none of my fellow Malaysian friends are around (yes, I'm talking about CELS here). Explaining something requires tremendous amount of effort, and even with all those precautionary measures I've taken (arranging my words carefully before blurting them out, making sure I know what I want to talk about, translating them properly from Malay to English) I still can't speak properly. I stuttered. I lost my words in the middle of a sentence. I don't have any freaking topics to be brought up. In the end, I kept my mouth shut, trying my best to keep conversations with other people minimal, all the while making myself look like an extremely snobbish person who doesn't want any kinds of human interaction.

That sucks, because if people don't start talking to me, there's no way I'm going to start talking to them. I really wanted to make friends with people in my class other than fellow Malaysian students and the occasional Bruneians, but that simply won't happen because, well, there's no way they're going to say hi to a socially-challenged Asian girl like me. And there's no way I'm going to start that too, because I fear things will get awkward. Like that time when I decided to become friendly enough and said hi to an Indian girl who always sit beside me during HUBS lecture. Suffice to say I never found her sitting beside me again.

Maybe my English just sucks, hence me not being able to have a decent conversation with people whose mother tongue is English. But then again I found myself extremely conversant when I'm talking to myself. Doesn't matter if I didn't 'arrange' the words prior to speaking or anything, I can easily deliver a 10-minute non-stop impromptu public speaking session when I'm alone in my room, no stuttering whatsoever. I'm too shy? Hell no, I was never a shy person, nor I was born to be one. Mom once told me that when I was 4, I was the one entertaining our guests with my non-stop rants and my tendency to break into a Michael Jackson-inspired dance in public (I still do that dance-in-public thingy nowadays- only this time, instead of moonwalks I prefer hippie trance dance). I still don't know what happened during my pre-adolescent years that made me transform into the socially awkward person that I am today, but one thing I'm certain, they involved things like 'being ostracized' and 'damned paternal family who did nothing apart from making our lives more miserable day by day'. Wait, that last part didn't have anything to do with being socially awkward, but meh.

Last two days I had a very long 'conversation' with myself, trying to discover what I could do to fix this particular problem of mine. Among other things, I realized that I worry too much on what people think about myself. Like, "OMG I stutter every time I speak, they must think I'm retarded or something, how can I live like this OMG OMG" I focus too much on perfecting the 'cosmetic' side of conversation (i.e. slang, intonation, pronunciation, body language), while paying little attention on the essence of the conversation itself. Seriously, you can still talk to people and give the impression that you are one friendly girl willing to make friends with others even when your English is not Band 7 material. I've seen that in action. And gosh, I kept thinking about "what if things end up being awkward?" instead of thinking about the positive outcome of the conversation. FGS what's the worst thing that could happen? People may think I have the weirdest accent ever, maaaaaybe with some problems pronouncing my R's and S's, and slightly exaggerated facial expressions, but that adds up to my eccentricity, and I love being eccentric. I may end up talking to an equally eccentric person (like that poi-playing girl in my class - seriously, I should talk to her one of these days, I like poi), maybe even finding someone who actually knows what the hell is Shpongle (hint: someone = not Adrien).

I'll start with that psy guy in my chem lab next week. And maybe Adrien after that. After all, I need to explain to him that the ever elusive 'Shy Siti' is not Alia, even though she does seem to be shyer than me.

Mark my words.

Alice

ozora!!!

Hi
Long time no [proper] updates? So sorry, I have CELS test on Saturday and Physics test next week. And sorry for updating with - of all things - this.

Anyhoo.

OZORA!!! This is exactly where I want to be! Awesome music, awesome deco, awesome lineup, awesome stuffs (a psychedelic labyrinth! How cool is that?).

I kinda like Ozora better than FMF. Not that I've been to any of them, but Ozora seems to have a warmer, more ethereal vibe. And more Shpongle and Twisted people, that's for sure. One of my Facebook friends is going to Ozora this year, and dammnnn how I wish I could go with him! Simon and Raj are going to have a special set this year (it's Shpongle's 20th anniversary!). Must be awesome. Sigh.

Guess I'll just stay here and trance dance to Ineffable Mysteries
Alice

entry tipikal seorang perempuan

I'm at the verge of breaking my New Year Resolution #15.

Good news is, that guy (I didn't know his name, but let's just call him Adrien) fits my description of Raphael perfectly. Long brown hair - check. Gorgeous and hypnotizing eyes - check. Awesome sense of fashion - check. Quirky attitude - check. Music junkie - check. Mesmerizing voice - check. It's like I have found my dearest Raphael - this time, it's not merely a dream. I couldn't help but to fall in love. Haish.

Bad news is, I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I'm a socially awkward person, see, and there's no way I'm going to start a conversation with random people, let alone with a guy I fancy. I almost got an opportunity to talk to him and even sit beside him today during HUBS, but I didn't have the audacity to do so. No, there's no way I'm going to make the first move - look what happened back in my school days.

I would love to be his friend. He seems to be interested in quirky stuffs, and he's rather eccentric as well. I love eccentric guys like that (think Simon Posford). I could already imagine how awesome it would be if I were to be his friend. "You're into lucid dreaming as well? Dude, that's awesome! We could, like, have a shared lucid dream or something. No really, it's not merely Inception material, you really can do that in real life. Let's try it tonight!" Feel free to change 'lucid dreaming' to 'Shpongle' or 'Infected Mushroom' or 'dimethyltryptamine'.

Next time I will find out his real name. If it's Raphael, I swear I'm going to make the first move. And tell him I'm in love with him.

Wish me luck

Alice

this is why i don't wanna be a dentist

I'm back! Yes, I'm still alive. Sorry for the long absence. Health Sciences First Year's not a walk in a park, especially when your memory relating to Physics stuffs has long been buried since 2009. Anyhoo, Dunedin's getting colder now that it's autumn already, and I went to class breathing out condensed water vapour. Awesome. Will post autumn-related photos to make you jelly later.

Yes, this entry is about my problematic tooth. I freakin don't understand why I keep having dental problems despite using flosses and Listerine and Darlie Lemon Fresh Whatever. I would like to blame the copious amount of soft drinks I chugged last week for celebration purposes, but then again, maybe it's just those damned natural selection survivors lurking in my premolar, wanting to take revenge over their defeat in the last antibiotic war. I TOLD that government clinic dentist to extract my tooth back in Malaysia, but he didn't want to, saying it's unethical and stuffs. Will definitely not go to a government dental clinic anymore after this. So yeah, last Sunday my tooth was giving off warnings about an impending infection, but I thought it won't be that bad. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? Turns out the next day, the worst thing happened. I was forced to be bedridden, crying and screaming bloody murder as the nasty little microbes gnaw their way through my tissues. Being the painkiller junkie that I am, I even took 10 tablets of paracetamol in less than 24 hours, much to the dismay of my liver and kidneys. At one point I was even thinking of calling the ambulance so that I could be taken to A&E and get myself a nice shot of antibiotic. And goddamn morphine. Anything to keep those little buggers quiet.

The next day, following the advice from a senior (who's also suffering from a crippling toothache), I went to the uni's Dental School, hoping that I could go home with an antibiotic prescription. I was told that there's a lot of people waiting to get their treatment that day, and it would probably take about half a day before I could finally meet the dentist. I thought what the hell, I have CELS lecture at 4, might be missing my only chance to see Adrien in class, so I postponed my appointment to Wednesday. Thinking that I might be exhausting my reservoir of paracetamol that night, I stopped by Albany Street Pharmacy to get more painkillers because self-medication is awesome. Gosh, the assistant pharmacist is damn cute! With a soothing and mesmerizing voice! He gave me Panadeine for my pain (thank God for opiate!) and I went to my CELS lecture only to discover that Adrien was not there. Sheesh.

On Wednesday, my tooth was getting a bit better, but I went for my appointment anyway. The staffs (dental students?) were very friendly, but I didn't make much attempt at conversations since I couldn't bother lifting my aching jaw. Oh, did I mention about having my lymph nodes swollen? Anyhoo, after going through my medical history and obtaining a radiograph of my lower left jaw, the lovely dentist confirmed the fact that my premolar was indeed infected. No antibiotics whatsoever this time, you either get extraction or root canal. Since I couldn't be bothered to have multiple dental appointments after this, I chose the easier (and cheaper) option: get that damned tooth out of my mouth.

In the Oral Surgery department, I was put under the care of a lovely dental student, who did her best to make me feel comfortable. She kept asking me whether I was okay, and assured me that I was "doing really good". What a pleasant dentist she would be someday. Her tutor came and supervised her throughout the anaesthesia procedure, and I heard her saying something like "rotating, superior, posterior...", possibly giving instructions to the student about how to yank off my tooth properly. I was a bit nervous (of course I was! It's my first time and I have a student pulling out my tooth!) but she told me I was doing really good so yeah. Everything went okay initially (I even asked for extra anaesthesia just for the hell of it) until I noticed that she was having difficulties with my tooth. After several minutes of yanking and rotating, there were no signs of my tooth getting loose from its socket, so her tutor came in and helped her. Just a bit though, didn't want to ruin the whole learning process. Second attempt after 15 minutes, still unsuccessful. Her tutor asked her to use another tool, and she continued to work on my tooth for about ten minutes more. Still no progress. Despite the anaesthesia, I could feel my nerves being pulled, and all those yanking and rotating made me feel like they would dislocate my jaw any time from now. More "you're doing really good" followed.

One peculiar thing about the dental clinic was that they didn't have any suction devices to suck out the saliva and blood from my mouth. They just kept dabbing my mouth with gauze to keep it relatively dry (I don't think a gauze is efficient enough to do that). At this point, the smell of blood was too much for me; I even felt a wave of nausea hitting me whenever they shove those bloody gauze into my mouth. Worse still, the gauze left a trail of bloody saliva across my cheek. I felt extremely uncomfortable, and tried to direct my attention to other things, but the smell of blood kept distracting me. More rotating and pulling action, still no remarkable result.

Another dentist (male, possibly Muslim) came into the room to see what took them so long to pull out my teeth. The student, possibly too nervous, managed to chip off the filled part of my tooth, which caused me to groan in distress. For no apparent reason, a drop of tear suddenly escaped from my eye! What's wrong with my tooth? What's with the army of dentists invading the room like I was some sort of a case study? What's that chipping noise again? Why the hell am I crying?? To make things worse, they noticed me crying, and the mak cik cleaner (who was also in the room - God knows why she was also there) gave me some tissues to wipe off my tears. Instant humiliation!

The tutor worked on my tooth for a little while before giving up, and passed the bloody job to her colleague, a young Chinese man. After what seemed to be an infinity, he finally managed to extract my tooth. Everybody in the room could not contain their relief and actually cheered! Now that's something new - dentists cheering in an op room like they had just delivered a baby. And I actually cried tears of joy like I almost gave birth to a baby! Sheesh, gila awkward. I glanced at the wall clock behind me - it was 4.20 p.m. (lol 420) and I was late for my meeting with Dr. Brunton. What the hell. After calculations I realized that they took a whole 1 hour to pull out my premolar. No wonder why they bloody cheered. Isk.

I went home without any antibiotic/painkiller prescriptions. With blood-stained face, I walked aimlessly around the campus, contemplating whether or not I should attend my HUBS lecture. Alas, I decided that I was too stoned to do HUBS, Adrien or no Adrien, and headed straight to Toroa. All hell broke loose after an hour when the anaesthesia wore off, and I moaned and cried my heart out in pain, alone in the room, thinking why the hell can't they just give me antibiotics.

The next day, I had a nasty post-op infection. Two days later, I went to get them checked only to discover that I may won't be able to claim my insurance because they didn't keep a record on the dentist who treated me on Wednesday. Up until now, the extraction site was still painful and filled with pus.

One hour and four dentists later, this.

At this point, I sincerely miss Malaysian dentists.

Alice

p/s: I'm not trying to say that dental care in NZ sucks - it's not, you see, the dentists are very lovely. It's just that, well, I was hoping for something better. But then again I went to a dental school so what do you expect kan.

let's go back in the time machine... to ancient India...

Taken from my old blog on Friendster (lol gila ancient!):

Every single psy-trance headz know and realize the fact that this particular sub-genre of dance music is heavily related with drugs. Hell, I do realize this too, ever since I first fell in love with it. People say that psy-trance is LSD, and LSD is psy-trance. Heck, what did they know about it?

For me, I didn’t approve the idea of psy-trance is drug music. Hell, I know psy-trancers all over the world took LSD in the middle of a Full Moon party [I didn't], but isn’t the music more enjoyable without lysergic acid diethylamide? A lot of people thought that "Oh, if I take acid I’ll slip into a trip so that my senses will be more sensitive and I’ll experience the true beauty of psy-trance". Yeah yeah… wait till you experience bad trip.

Let me tell you something, you don’t necessarily need acid to experience real trance-like effects. Oh, and hell, I’m not only talking about the psy-trance community and acid alone, I’m talking about the whole dance music community, bet you take acid or E or GHB or crack or whatever. If you really wanna enjoy the music even more, all you got to do is listen it with your ears and your heart. That one always work, for me. If you still can’t feel it, try listening it with the aid of some multi-sense tools (that’s a geeky double talk for visuals). That’s why God created VJs — to help you enjoy the music without drugs of course. Psy-trance lovers can always enjoy the music by listening it by headphones, and sit in front of psychedelic visuals on TV/ computer/ LCD projector/ plasma screens [the bigger the better]. Hard to find such visuals? Winamp AVS will help you, for sure. Or just drag the Kurst VJs into your home [or you can always go to ALT*CTRL, a visual festival in UK. Or similar events...]

Well actually, you can get a lot of benefits if you ditch drugs. I don’t wanna say it in an old mama way, but anyways. First of all, of course, you won’t experience bad trip. And the risk of being OD’ed to death. And then, you can always save your money to buy Final Scratch if you’re a vinyl hardcore fan, or even upgrade your TT to SL1210MK5G [or if you prefer, SLDZ1210]. Then again, you don’t have to be a fugitive by running away from policemen. And best of all, there will be no such RAVE act in the USA. Oh, you might even end up being Paul van Dyk and be the No.1 DJ in the world, even being the next German president or something. Remember, PvD don’t take drugs.

Well, I don’t wanna nag more here. If you still can’t leave those acid/E/GHB/ice crack/such and such, just take this simple step. Take 20 Panadols and wash them down with Coke. You’ll definitely fell into a massive trancelike state…. with slim chance of recovery, that is. Oh never mind, you can always resume your trip in heaven. Hell, maybe.

I can't believe I wrote this when I was 13. Seven years later and I'm preaching the entheogenic properties of LSD already! Hahaha. Well, you can still say I'm an anti-drugs person (lol that's kinda hard to believe isn't it), but psychedelics have at least some benefits to mankind so yeah. Just don't take drugs for the sake of drugging yourself, if you know what I mean. You still have DMT in your brain. Use that.

Don't let Hofmann cry in his grave, he wrote LSD: My Problem Child already

Alice

dunedin

Hi! Sorry for the long absence. 16 February was my departure date, and I haven't been able to be online until yesterday. No free WiFi here apart from the uni connection, so while waiting for our connections to set up (which, we initially thought, would miraculously set up on its own without us needing to do something about it) I basically spend the whole day going thrift shopping around Dunedin, and watching back-to-back Fringe episodes at night - all the while trying not to freeze myself to death of course.

So yeah, so far Dunedin is lovely. Very lovely, in fact, far beyond my expectations. If you're wondering, I was expecting Dunedin to be some sort of a boring countryside with no proper places to do my favourite activity (read: shopping). Way to go for not doing my homework before flying haha. Turns out Dunedin is a shopping paradise, in a way - God knows how much money I have spent buying thrift store items, gadgets at student prices/Mydin prices (Lava lamp for NZD 15! 3-in-1 printer for NZD 39! 1TB external hard disk for NZD 95! Brother sewing machine for NZD 189! Oh wait, I didn't buy that sewing machine, it's in my wishlist. Must. Stop. Compulsive. Buying.), food items, stuffs from Kmart, etc. Some of them are even cheaper that the ones I could get at Malaysia! (Side note: well ah of course when you convert the prices, they're more or less the same, but remember Miss Ain's Golden Rule: Jangan convert nanti takleh hidup!) Halal meals are also very easy to find here, so dining will not be that much of a problem (we cook for ourselves, so yeah. Halal foodstuffs are everywhere).

Contoh masakan halal yang sedap lagi awesome.

I live in a residential college, the lovely Toroa College, which is awesome to the max (despite my previous whines about that RM7000 thingie. But yeah, worth RM7000 I tell you!). I get to live with Amal, Alia, Linda and Hannan, which makes living here much easier since we've known each other long enough already. Downstairs, we have 3 other Malaysian students - Michelle, Elfira and Felicia, so it's easier for our seniors and JPA officers as well when it comes to settling scholarship/ Malaysian student-related things with us. And oh, we're also under the care of a Malaysian RA, Sim. Not to mention the very caring Malaysian seniors living nearby. We're lucky like that.

My flatmates

Our very lovely house. We live upstairs.

My room also happened to be the most regularly shaped in the house, if not the biggest (lol). It's a very cozy room, and I get to decorate it as psychedelic as I could :P

door is decorated for Toroa College's Pimp My Door comp so haha!

room is big enough for me to be happy :D

I just have to put em here! XP (note the pharmtox info sheet on the left)

Since we don't have much activities this week apart from the English diagnostics test, preliminary lectures and the orientation activities this weekend, we spent the last few days doing, um, what else but tourist activities! Take lots of pictures! XD

The roses are very awesome here btw. Macam bunga kertas kat Malaysia. They're everywhere.

Psychedelic-wise, I haven't mingled with the people here that much so I don't really know much about psy culture here. As far as I could observe, people here LOVE dubstep. And alcohol - alcohol is a very serious problem here in Dunedin. The university, however, has a club named The Shamanic Circle which, as the name suggests, does shamanic things in sacred places surrounded by candles etc. May also include lucid dreaming, astral projection/OOBE, technoshamanism and getting Shpongled. Sounds highly awesome, but I doubt it'll be good for my faith here. I am, after all, still a Muslim.

There's a strong cannabis culture here as well, headlined by the uni's own NORML movement. Not that I'm remotely interested, but yeah, like I mentioned before (not here I guess, it's somewhere in my MINDS debate notes on legalizing pot) these dudes are like our cousin because marijuana is a mild psychedelic, and, er, so there. Thanks to this, there's a cool shop on George Street named Cosmic Corner, a strong supporter of cannabis legalization, which also sells Salvia. Gosh, Salvia FGS.

Psychedelic, albeit not psy enough for me. But they do have Salvia *emphasis on Salvia*

Haha, enough with the psychedelic babbles. So far, I'm loving Dunedin already, but classes haven't started yet so I can't really say much. Homesickness may come later this year, when I was up to my ears with academic stuffs. But till then, I think I wanna enjoy a little bit more. Off to Botanical Gardens tomorrow! Shoot, got English diagnostics test. Will write more elaborately on my next entry, Insya-Allah. Bye for now!

And no, I am not going to buy those Salvia, if you're wondering.

Alice

16 February

GAHHHHHHHHH

My days here are numbered. Less than a week before I'm off to Dunedin.

Yup, you heard me right. Less than a week, which means my flight won't be on the 19th as expected. It's a long story, but suffice to say that you should never EVER believe in hypes even when they come from a slideshow presented by MAS.

pic stolen from Aisyah. To clarify, the date shown says '19 Feb'

Right now I'm in a constant state of panic. I have only bought a few essential items for my journey to Dunedin, because I thought what the hell, I've got plenty of time more to do shopping. I'm awesome like that, see. Must go invade Giant tomorrow. And Landmark IT Mall also. Don't want to be caught using pirated Microsoft Office at NZ, no?

Of course, this latest news triggered screams of frustration by many an INTECian going to Otago (save for a few overzealous types, but I won't name names here although they don't read my blog), but well, there's no point grumbling really. JPA said it's 16 February, and that's it. 16 February would it be. Doesn't matter if your parents can't get a day off, your relatives can't come and send you to the airport, your former crush can't say goodbye to you on that day, etc. Haish.

And wow, lesser time in Malaysia. I know 3 days won't make that much of a difference (since I spend my day sleeping and wake up hoping that the day will end faster so that I can sleep more. Can't help it, I'm practicing :P) but tsk. 3 less days to spend with my parents and bros, 3 less days to spend some quiet time in my beloved cramped space of a bedroom, 3 less days to feel the warmth of the blazing JB sun, 3 less days for afternoon naps (lolwut?). Wow. Quick, give me time dilation stuff! (read:pot)

But then again, everything is fated by God. He knows what's best for us. Flying on the 16th is not that bad really, since we could make it in time for the course enrollment stuffs and orientation programs. And more time to settle down before class starts. That's good, that's good.

So yes, we plan and Allah plans too. But Allah's plans are better than ours, so be grateful! (bunyik pelik oh, aku direct translate ni ha)

See you at Dunny!

Alice

yes, i now have a dream journal

If you want to become lucid, it would be very helpful if you keep a dream journal and improve your dream recall. Through this, you will be able to detect patterns in your dreams and recognize dream signs so that it will be easier for you to distinguish between your waking life and your dreams. I kept a physical DJ last year, but stopped after the second week because well, there's no fun in keeping my bizarre dreams to myself. Online dream journal sounds very awesome, so I created a new blog for dream purposes (I may also post lucid dreaming-related stuffs there instead of here). I decided not to keep a dream journal at specific dream sites (like my favourite, the Dreamviews Lucid Dreaming Community & Resource DJ) because, um, I may post crappy things in my DJ so kakakakakakaka!

So yes, feel free to visit my DJ: http://dimethyltryptamine-trip.blogspot.com (aw can't help it, DMT is cool dude!)

In the meantime, happy dreaming!

Alice

a pathetic attempt at drawing (also: Forever Alone.jpg)

I don't have much talent in drawing compared to my bro, but I do love em. When I couldn't be bothered to draw proper anatomy, I draw people with round heads and specs. This is my signature style ever since I was in Form 1.
And yeah, my stroke is a bit messy. :P

I think you can click on them to have a better view. Enjoy!

Alice :D

you are me and i am you

Dear followers,
Sorry for the never-ending Shpongle spams here. I'll post lolita-related things once I get my camera phone back. In the meantime, have a listen to Simon and Raj here. Your life will be transformed forever, I promise. No you don't have to like electronic music to fall in love with Shpongle - their music is frickin diverse anyway. But of course things would be much easier if you could savour the complex layers of the musical arrangements (perhaps too complex for some?), because that's where the beauty lies.

I particularly liked Shpongle's latest album, Ineffable Mysteries from Shpongleland. It's somehow different than their previous albums (some said it has more pop elements - idk, sounds psychedelic enough for me. I mean, yes there are more vocals, but damn that's Michele Adamson dude, Michele Adamson is full-on Goa dude!) . This song, I Am You, is so lovely I almost cried. Those harmonic vocals are just...OMG. Listen from 3.26-4.11, you'll know what I mean. (I believe Simon also contributed his vocals in this song, but not in this live version).

Oh, and yes, Shpongle live shows are CRAZY as heck! Really wish I would be able to attend one someday. Simon, New Zealand sounds fine to you? :DDD

While you're at it, check out this one. Michele Adamson is very lovely. Can I be a Goa trance vocalist like her as well? XD

Alice

Pseudoephedrine I Have Known And Hated (PIHKAH)

I have found the culprit behind my inability to have lucid dreams.

This guy here.

Apparently, because I was so obsessed with [medicinal] drugs to the point of daring to prescribe myself random medications, I bought a tab of Allerpid (loratadine 5mg + pseudoephedrine sulphate 120 mg) without consulting a doctor beforehand. Without even Googling 'if I ask for decongestant from a pharmacist what kind of drug will she give me and what will the drug do to my body' first. I just went to my favourite pharmacy, asked the lovely pharmacist for a tab of oral nasal decongestant for my rhinitis, was presented with two options (Claritin-D and Allerpid) and opted for Allerpid because it's cheaper (cough cough). And then I just sort of take em whenever I liked (dosage says one tablet bd, I took one tablet every itching days). Of course I checked MIMS, but they didn't give me any alarming information, save for one DI with antacids (not of my uttermost concern since I don't take antacids - cimetidine is not an antacid isn't it?), and somnolence as its adverse reaction. What I failed to realize is the fact that pseudoephedrine is a phenethylamine, belonging to the same class of chemicals as amphetamines (shoot I should've realized about that earlier) and also in the same group as MDMA, 2C-B and mescaline. Mescaline FGS.

Picture is for decorative purposes only

Nah, of course taking an innocent pseudoephedrine tablet won't give you peyote-like effects, or ecstasy-like effects either. But one should bear in mind that apart from being a potent decongestant, pseudoephedrine is also a potent stimulant. Although your regular OTC nasal decongestant drugs (like my dear Allerpid here) come in the form of antihistamine + pseudoephedrine combination, the mildly sedating properties of antihistamine do not cancel out the stimulating properties of pseudoephedrine (that's why Claritin-D is labelled as 'Non-Drowsy' FGS!). Thus, side effects ranging from headache to restlessness to nausea (akin to that of a caffeine overdose) are not uncommon. In rare cases, nervousness, irritability, disturbed sleep and palpitations/ increased heartbeat can also rise up. Unfortunately, these 'rare cases' are the ones that I've been experiencing for several days already.

I didn't really know what triggered this, but a few nights back I kept waking up in the middle of the night, around 3 a.m. or so, with my heart beating extra fast and me feeling extremely restless. I tried to get back to sleep (with renewed hope because Stephen LaBerge said you can get lucid dreams easier if you take a nap after waking up in the middle of the night or something) but after almost 30 minutes of tossing and turning, I was all but sleepy. The next day, I felt an overwhelming sense of irritation, and almost screamed at my mom who woke me up for my kuih frying obligations. Heartbeat was probably 120 bpm, and not only did I feel irritable and edgy, I also felt some sort of general malaise. I wanted to fall down and pass out, but I couldn't even if I try. It was as if I had just swallowed three packets of extra strong coffee. And I hadn't even touched a drop of coffee for 3 weeks already.

So here, I would like to hypothesize that my history of caffeine abuse has caused the rare side effects of pseudoephedrine to manifest themselves. You know I love making up twisted hypotheses like that.

Eh wait, this is getting way beyond our scope. So what has this got to do with lucid dreaming, you may ask. You see, as mentioned earlier, pseudoephedrine is a stimulant under the amphetamine chemical class, and apart from being used to relieve nasal congestion, it is also used as a wakefulness-promoting agent. That simply means less tendency to fall asleep, and when that happens, you tend to have less REM sleep. When you do not have much REM sleep, dreaming would occur lest often, which also means less lucid dreaming. No seriously guys, I have looked this up; stimulants like amphetamines and their relatives do suppress REM sleep (Shneerson 2000). And it's tried and tested also; I only had around two non-vivid dreams each night for the past few nights (I usually have 4 or more extra-vivid dreams per night). No wonder I found it more difficult to recall my dreams these days (please check out my dream journal). Haish.

For the time being, I think I'll just stick to good ol' REM sleep-promoting cetirizine, since I don't have any obligations which require me to stay awake for long periods in the morning (goreng kuih is meh - I just need to put on my headphones and treat my groggy self with 1200 Micrograms of Hallucinogen and I'm good). I'll probably need those pseudoephedrine tablets for my new academic session later this month though. Ah hey, I made it sound as if I'm planning to launch into some full-blown pharmaceutical abuse. Hahaha. Gosh, must go see MD. I think I also have palpitations.

You know the moral of the story already. Don't self-medicate.

Alice

p/s: yes, title is a rip-off from Phenethylamines i Have Known And Loved (PiHKAL). Sorry Shura/Alice!