lelaki ade yg xgune... ade, not all

Klaha yang suke kucing ialah satu contoh lelaki gentleman yang tidak tergolong dalam golongan tak gune tu

sorang adik form 1 0913 (yg aku xkenal pon) tanye aku "Akak rase umur brape sesuai kapel?"

aku cakap kat die "High school ni xyahla kapel2 dik oi... guys are not serious in their relationship during high school...diorang bese nak main2 jek, or nak merasa, or nak ade 'title', or hormonal drive. "

dan die pun reply, "Ooooo..."

budak2 zaman sekarang. Sekolah rendah pun dah kapel (aku la tuhhh :P)

Dulu aku fikir kapel tu mesti best. Ape yang best aku tak tau. Mebe rase disayangi kot.

Tapi lepas kapel ngan 3 orang losers, I quit.

And I made a conclusion that teenage years are not the time to be in a relationship.

Aku malas nak bitching2 sal my previous bfs, sbab one of them dh kne belasah habis kat dalam blog aku ni (kat sini). But yeah, somehow I always end up with the wrong persons. Yang not straight la, yang overly obsessed la, yang playboy la, yang curik motor la. Desperate la katekan. Guys yang aku suke xpernah la return my love. Aku tunjuk cmane pon still xpaham2. Kadang2 rase diri ni sangatlah gedik n hegeh. Pastu ade yg macam ade tanda2, tp last2 aku yg perasan lebey.

Then we have random male strangers. Orang yang aku tak kenal pon tp suke make my life miserable. Contohnye mamat2 loser yang ntah dari mane tetibe suit2 aku ('suit' itu ialah slang bagi catcall) bile nampak aku jalan sorang2. Or makhluk2 yang bawak lori/bas/kereta/traktor yang tetibe hon cipan punye kuat diikuti dgn the said suit2 mase aku nak lintas jalan. Or setan2 yang cube pecah rumah aku tyme aku darjah 6 sbb nak 'baham' aku tape terpakse berputih mata sbb tyme tu aku xde kat rumah. Dasar __________ btol ah (insert expletives here).

And that actually made me become slightly androphobic. All male strangers are capable of inflicting harm towards me - Subconscious told me that. Sebab tu la kalo aku kuar sorang2 aku memang tak tinggal ah gunting/pisau/jarum/paku/racun/pepper spray kat dalam beg aku. Or make myself look terrifying, like a vampire ke. Pakai sumer hitam. Pakai eyeliner tebal2. Up to the point of wearing black lipstick. And sengaje wat pisau/gunting/etc aku visible. Ape2 saje asalkan I'm not being bothered. Kadang2 that androphobia terbawak2 dlm social life. "Oh, mamat ni saje nak test aku ni gedik/murah/cikaro ke tak. Baik jangan layan." Macam tu lah.

Sometimes I hope I live in an era where guys have immense chivalry/gallantry. Sangat malang la aku sbb dalam abad ke-21 ni, chivalry is dead. Susah nak carik guy yang btol2 gentleman, kalo ade pon gentle man ade la. Nak carik yang aristocrat type macam, er, Klaha-sama (aku dh hilang idea nk bg contoh sape. PEOPLE PLS DUN SUGGEST EDWARD CULLEN!!!) sungguh datukla susah. Kadang2 aku risau cmane nnti bile aku kahwin. Laki aku nanti mcm yg aku nak ke tak. Dapat yang hormat pompuan ke, or yang jenis juara sepak terajang anak bini (flaming over drama malam Ahad hari tu)? Kang tak kahwin kang aku ni.

Sebab tu la kot, for the time being, I'll just stick to my Raphael. Walaupun die mmg xwujud (boleh jdk wujud...aku jek lom jumpe die), at least he's better than many guys out there. Ntahla. Tengoklah nanti yek aku kahwin ngan sape. Tp skarang ni aku memang xde niat nak kapel, sebab buang mase. Buang kredit, buang air mata. I'm not a lovey-dovey type. Selagi ko belum jadik laki aku, ko still stranger dlm idop aku. Xde keje aku nak komited kat ko ke, pujuk2 ko ke, call2 ko slalu ke, tanye ko dh makan ke blom ke <---- sbb tu org takut nk jdk bf aku kot

Wait. Somebody pls tell me nape aku tulis ni at da first place?

mengapa bayar lebih? belilah dengan harga borong

FYI I have stopped calling myself a lolita now because some elitists thought that you are not a lolita if you don't wear proper lolita. I have a perfectly opposite opinion about that coz I thought that it doesn't really matter if you're wearing lolita or not, as long as your heart is into it, you can be the most beautiful lolita ever. Well, at least Takemoto Novala says so - or something close to that. But there's no point arguing with elitists, especially when they have the capability of humiliating you on social networking sites, so I decided not to label me and my seemingly ita clothes as lolita.

Among my lolita online friends, I was not even regarded as a lolita, mainly because I can't even afford to buy Bodyline, let alone burando (brand items). Somehow I felt reluctant to pay RM200++ for a single dress even when I have the money, because years of living in near poverty *hyperbole* has taught me to optimize the value of my money (i.e. "RM200 can buy you 10 pairs of discounted shoes" - Confession of a Shoessaholic Named Alice). I do have the intention to buy Bodyline, though, but not now coz I'm waiting for my next sem's JPA money. Maybe an OP, or a JSK. We'll see about that later.

Lolita is an expensive hobby, no doubt. One big item (i.e OP, JSK, shoes, bag) costs about RM200-RM300 in average for off-brands, and more than RM700 for burando. Even small accessories like headdresses can reach up to RM100 (the price I saw at i-socks. Ridiculous indeed). Fortunately there is another alternative for cheapskate girls who want to get into lolita but don't have the money for it - sewing lolita items yourself. Something that I've been considering of - for quite some time already actually. Unfortunately for me, I don't have a sewing machine and I don't know any heck about sewing clothes. Some girls have the privilege of having a mom who knows how to sew, but mine is afraid of sewing (hence the absence of a sewing machine in our home). But I'm not going to give up on that, though. I've recently learned that making a 100% hand-sewn JSK is not impossible, and when it comes to how-tos there's always sew_loli. Still, I need those sewing machine to make my life easier. *persuades mum to buy one*

For the time being I just stick to my current hobby - hunting for lolita-esque clothes, modifying/mix-and-matching them until they appear lolita-like. But having learnt from my past mistakes, I'm not going to call my 'coordinates' lolita anymore, coz I realized that most of my previous coordinates are non other than ita clothes. Didn't want to provoke those elitists, do we? XD. Though not 100% lolita (please bear in mind that as a Muslim I have restrictions, and I can't show my hair/legs/most of my skin. Yes there are Muslims who don't follow that but I'm not one of them), at least I can make myself satisfied by appearing different than other peeps around me. And yeah, need I mention that all of the items I bought cost less than RM50 each? Mwahahahahahaha~

One of my most recent 'coordinates':

dress: RM25 (bought at Times Square, kedai sebelah i-socks. The closest thing I got to lolita)

cutsew/pirate jacket/whatever: rm35

bag (not loli pon...need a new one...): RM20

slacks: RM20

Mary Jane shoes: rm40 (yet to be adorned with my hand-made shoe clips)

petticoat: handmade, material cost RM6

bloomers: need it for extra poofiness that the petti lack of. improvised from a RM10 skirt

socks: RM15...damn i-socks...

gloves (not worn here): RM15...damn i-socks too

tudung: rm10

total cost: RM196 - still less than a freaking GLP blouse!

(the featured coordinate actually received positive comments from several people, including my lolita friend. I wore this to a particular shop in city square selling GLP outfits and the salesgirl started treating me extremely nicely and asked me things about my dress :P)

Guys, I will buy myself a Bodyline. Or make myself a proper lolita outfit. Watch this space.

if Bram Stoker is still alive, he would've commited suicide

So it's that time again. Time to scream over some sparkly vampires and werewolves with ridiculously hot bods. Fangirls all around the world unite - New Moon has arrived! Dey, do I sound excited? I might be, some few months ago (omo it's New Moon this November! Like OMG I LURRRVE Edward!!). But right now I prefer to view Stephenie Meyer's vampires as an insult to the rest of the vampire community. One of the most disturbing thing is that they don't burn in sunlight, they merely sparkle. Which is a damned bad thing for a girl who has been reading numerous books suggesting that vampires burn in sunlight. Or in the case of Bram Stoker's original Dracula, become extremely weakened when exposed to sunlight. The first time I discovered about the sparkling thingie during that scene in the forest (I watched the movie first before reading the book. Okay now I officially made myself look like a freakin Rob Pat fangirl), I went panicky when Edward simply run towards sunlight, thinking that he might be severely injured for the sake of showing Bella what he actually is. But wahey, he simply sparkle! Now that's a new thing.

Initially (circa 2008) I was extremely overjoyed when I discovered I could finally get a vampire [teen] romance movie at the cinemas, giving a much-awaited relief from those other modern weapon/bazooka/M16-laden vampire action movies (read: Blade, Underworld, Van Helsing). You see, when it comes to vampire movies, I prefer them to be sensual/aristocratic/a la Blood Ties, and I figured out that since Twilight is a romance movie (I wouldn't dare to call it 'vampire romance' - that'll put Christine Feehan to shame :P) I might as well get something I like out of it. Turns out that I was wrong. And surprisingly, it took me a good seven months to realize that the Twilight saga, especially that movie featuring Rob Pat, is not exactly my kind of thing. I realized that I only loved the Twilight saga because it was advertised as a 'vampire' story, and being a crazed vampire fan, I could not help but to be a part of the phenomenon.

But now that I've ventured deeper into vampirism, Twilight vampires do not even come close to Lestat de Lioncourt, let alone granddad of all vampires Prince/Count Vlad Dracula/Basarab. Or Count Orlok, for that matter. Guys, don't tell me you've never heard of these peeps! XD! Anyhoo, despite them being as vampiric as, ugh, me (pardon my unrealistic ambition), I still find several of them as interesting. Alice Cullen my namesake, for example, is surprisingly cheerful for a blood drinker, and I am absolutely drawn towards her sweet demeanour towards almost everybody. Her lifemate Jasper is just as interesting (Jackson Rathbone is hotter than Rob Pat, c'mon girls, admit it!), and he is by far the closest thing to a vampire among the Cullens. And then we have the Volturi, my kind of vampires save the sparkling part, seemingly aristocratic (though not French aristocrat, or Count Raphael aristocrat) and beautifully cold-hearted. Don't get me started on the fact that my dearest Jamie Campbell Bower plays Caius! Kyaaaaa!

I guess those reasons were enough to drive me to the nearest cinema and catch New Moon. Me, an avid old-school vampire fan who has been bitching about Meyerpires since last two months or so, is now willing to spend about RM12 to watch New Moon on cinema. To make things freakier, I went alone. Alone, as in looking at other peeps going with their bfs/gfs/bffs while me is stuck with only some limp french fries to accompany me (yes, my hobby is smuggling outside food into the cinema). I sat right beside this solitary guy who apparently came to watch New Moon alone too. And there we were, only two of us along the four-seated row, wondering why the other person came to watch a romance movie alone. Me wondering even more because guys don't watch romance movies unless they're being forced by their girlfriends.

Anyways, the movie started almost like what I've been imagining from the book, and for a short while I fell head over heels on Jasper ('for a short while' coz that's the duration of time he appears in the movie T_T). The rest seemed quite mundane (coz it's always Bella, and the book, as always, is better) except for the part when they showed the Volturi in their aristocratic attire (I have a penchant for vampires in Victorian/Rococo attire). Charlie is such a dear father, and the werewolves are, ugh, muscular (shite, how come Taylor Lautner is younger than me??). The effects are cool (i.e. werewolf transformation, Edward's body smashing marbles, not the sparkling effect), and yay for Volturi :D I whispered Caius' name every time he appeared, much to make my 'partner' here annoyed (hope he's not :P). Though somehow disappointed coz my Jamie got so little lines to speak out (he has such a sweet, mesmerising voice. Seriously guys, go watch Sweeney Todd!) and most of the time he just sits there watching Aro do the talking, the beautiful sight of Jamie as a vampire is enough to make me feel contented. Oddly, that's the main reason why I still want to watch New Moon despite me falling out of love with Edward Cullen (as in the character, guys. Not Rob Pat - SERIOUSLY not Rob Pat).

The verdict? Maybe 7/10. I expected more (that includes more Caius, but what can I do, Stephenie Meyer did not allow him to talk much even in the book) but I guess for a really fanatic Twilight fan, it's well worth watching. For fellow former fans, you can do like, try completing the lines from the ones you've once read in the book, or say "That's not a freaking vampire" each time Rob Pat comes out or the word 'vampire' is mentioned, or complain about the sparkle. For people who are new to the vampire cult, PLEASE DON'T WATCH IT. For God's sake buy Stoker's Dracula and his grandnephew's Dracula The Un-Dead; don't let your mind be polluted with false facts about vampires. I have Coppola's Dracula movie, if you want I can seed it for you. Just please don't have the notion that vampires sparkle, and please don't make Old Bram suffer in his grave. That's all I could say.

Btw, I'm wondering. Do Meyerpires make blood exchange in order to turn somebody? Or it's merely "Lemme bite you and you'll get the 'venom' "? Enlighten me.

hot almond dark chocolate...hot dark chocolate with almond...whatever~

Ingredients

• satu cawan susu (ape2 susu pon bley, tp preferably susu full cream)
• 2-4 square dark chocolate...aku gune Vochelle punye almond dark chocolate...sukati nk gune kacang ape, kalo gune hazelnut jdkla hot hazelnut dark chocolate, kalo gune pistachio jdkla hot pistachio dark chocolate...so on n so forth~
• sedikit esen vanila/serbuk vanila (optional)...nk letak vanilla ni jgn byk sangat, nanti mamek. make sure jgn jdk cam aku yg gune serbuk vanila tahun lepas :-O
• gula secukup rase. kalo tak nak pun takpe. leh elak diabetes
• a proper pan. gune kuali only kalo btol2 terpakse. JANGAN gune kuali yg baru lepas digunekan untuk menggoreng maggi/telur. Nanti jdk hot maggi/telur dark chocolate *tekak kembang*
• cawan yang lawa (untuk kerja2 penggambaran). ni aku beli kat Romantika Plaza Alam Sentral. saucer dh pecah mase kemas2 barang nk out dr Akasia

How To

1. Parut siap2 dark chocolate tuh. Kerja perparutan (as in perparitan) memudahkan proses pencairan coklat. sila bukak buku kimia SPM bab rate of reaction
2. Panaskan susu. api tak kuat pon takpe. buat jek ikot sukati
3. Masukkan dark chocolate yg dah diparut. Jangan masuk sumer, save sikit, nanti nak tabur2.
4. Masukkan beberape cubit vanilla essence/serbuk vanila. Jangan banyak2, nanti pahit.
5. Kacau dan kacau lagi sampai sumer parutan dark chocolate btol2 larut
6. Biar sampai mendidih. Dah mendidih angkat. Curah terus kat dalam cawan
7. Tabur dark chocolate yg lebih td kat atas die.
8. Sebelum minum, ambik gambar. Masuk dalam blog
9. Important: SILE PASTIKAN ANDA BUKAN LACTOSE INTOLERANT SEBELUM MINUM! Kalo tak jdk cam aku. adei sakit perut den.

sesuai dihidangkan mase malam2 sebelum tido. mmg sah ngantok minum nih.

selamat mencuba! XD

Love,

Alice :)

a day out with my dearly missed friend

Last week I suddenly had this weird urge to reconnect with my old childhood friends, so I tried to search for my best bud in primary school via Facebook.

and to my surprise, she's there!

I was like sooo overjoyed because it has been a very very long time since I last met her (specifically, 7 years). She was my first ever friend, greeting me warmly on my first day at kindergarten despite me looking like a sickly anaemic girl back then (to quote her: "Fatimah tau tak hari first kite jumpe Fatimah tu kite nampak muke Fatimah pucat sangat. Takut kite.") For six years, she became my best friend, going everywhere together, keeping no secrets from each other, rarely got into fights/arguments, visiting each other's houses often (meh, precisely, it was me. I came to her house almost everyday to join a kelas mengaji nearby her house), being so close we were mistaken for sisters. That was until I had to move out of my childhood town of Jementah, to stay with my grandma due to some severe problems caused by a bunch of useless bastards *coughpaternalrelativescough*. We still kept in touch with each other back then until I moved to JB and went to STJ. From that moment, I did not have any opportunity to contact her (lost her number, couldn't possibly return to Jementah, no mutual friends in my new hometown). Almost gave up, thought that there's no way I'm going to meet her again.

That's when Facebook came to rescue. With a few strokes of my keyboard, I managed to trace her, the person I've been dying to meet again, the person who taught me the meaning of friendship for the first time.

Thank God! And yay to Facebook!

Turned out that she no longer lived in Jementah; she's now in Pontian which is very near to JB. We had our first ever telephone conversation in five years, spending more than ten minutes talking about how much we missed each other. She suggested that we have a meetup somewhere in JB, and I immediately agreed. OMG like, I'm going to meet her after seven years of not seeing each other? Unbelievable indeed!

The reunion was last Tuesday, 24th of November. I've been imagining about so many things to talk to her, trying to plan five years worth of storytelling to be cramped into a few hours of meetup. I could not wait to see how much have she changed in seven years time, and could not wait to show her mine too. So after finishing my regular tolong-mak-buat-kuih routine, I hurried off to meet her at Perling Mall...

...only to discover that she had brought two guys along. Two smoking guys, may I point out. I thought that it was supposed to be about us, about our storytelling time, about the reminiscence of our happier childhood days. But with the two guys along, I found it difficult to say what I wanna say. No privacy. Apparently, she met them during her maritime interview earlier that day (her reason for coming to JB exactly) and they have asked for a lift to Larkin Sentral. What shocked me most was that she had only known those two guys for a few hours, and right at the moment I found myself in her car driven by one of those guys. Omo, what happened to rape alert?? Well, it's not that I regard all guys as rapists, but when it comes to strangers (especially male, smoking, kampung hooligan-types) whom I've only known for less than a day, I would be waay more careful and definitely not going to let my car being driven by the said strangers. Meh, never mind that. Had my alcohol spray and cutter in my bag.

I thought that it was supposed to be a regular makan-makan meetup (I suggested earlier that we go to City Square), but instead we spent a good proportion of our 'meetup' in the car, driving aimlessly around JB. I could still tolerate it if she's the one driving the car, but with that said guy behind the steering, I suddenly found myself panicking. I know there will be something happening after this. Please God save me from any misfortune.

And like I expected, something bad happened. The said guy, not familiar with the tangled-up roads of JB (he's from Batu Pahat if I'm not mistaken) made an illegal U-turn right in front of a waiting traffic police. Of course, mmg kena tahan la ngan polis tu. I, who had been containing my annoyed/worried feeling from the beginning, sit back and watched the whole driver-police drama with a hydrochloric acid face. Nuh-uh I'm not going to say anything. It's not my fricken fault we were busted. I knew people like that will somehow get me into trouble (tried and tested. Trust me, I have a lot of experience with those kinds of people during my wild eleven-year-old days). But anyhoo, thank God coz the police was so generous, he let the driver go (despite him doing a suicidal traffic offence and not having a valid driver's license. Can you believe that???) and only ordered for my friend here to drive the car since it was her car, sparing us from the possibility of a fricken saman. Good thing though, if we were fined I'm so not going to pay for that.

After that misfortunate event, we finally headed to Larkin Sentral to send those two guys back home. And only after that did I have the opportunity to talk to my friend freely, being the talkative person I used to be seven years ago. From our short conversation during the journey from Larkin to my home (which took about ten minutes. Duh) I found out that a few of my primary school friends had been involved with indecent activities (read: sex) and several other random stories from our childhood memories. But since we had so much time left - thanks to those two guys - I didn't get the chance to do those things I've already planned. Hmm. I guess there's always next time, since she lives near JB and we can have another meetup next time.

Though a bit disappointed, I must say, it's good to see her again :)

blackrose_revamp

heya~
i noticed that my blog has became unbearably negative, both in terms of the contents as well as the number of posts
so this holiday, i have a good news - i'm going to do some revamping works!
might remove some of the redness and opt for something...uh, pink?
(confessions: i, uh, actually love pink. coz i'm a lolita neh! ^^)
maybe something Melty Chocolate-esque, coz I actually love mint x brown :D
but nuh, that doesn't mean i'm completely abandoning my black. I am, after all, Alice of Phantasmagoria. but yeah, Alice needs her dose of Sweet Lolita so that she won't hurt people anymore.
for those whom I've been hurting through my blog, hontoni gomenasai~
and uh, pray that I'll have enough willpower to turn this dream into reality! Celcom Broadbad (i intentionally left the 'n', never mind that) is capable of draining my every last drop of willpower, so I may take longer time. humhumhum.

Best wishes.
Alice :D

blackrose_weirdo

Random Freaky Things You Should Know About The Blogger

1.Thinks that all inanimate objects have feelings, especially electrical appliances. Why else do you think they broke down?

2. Will not talk to strangers, but will be more than happy to greet all cats/dogs/birds/iguanas on the street

3. Never spends more than RM50 on a single item when shopping, unless if it's meant to be priced above RM50 (e.g. baju raya)

4. Will not text/ym/skype/fb anybody on her friends list first unless if it's really important, or unless if she's crushing on that person

5. Has a laptop named Kikirara Shoten, or Kiki, which she regarded as her own younger sister

6. Talks to herself when going out alone, commenting on the price of things, the hideous design of the clothes on sale, complaining why people stare at her, etc...

7.Is willing to survey all shops on the shopping complex before making her final decision on which thing to buy

8. Despite that fact, she's still a compulsive buyer

9. Finds geeks/nerds as interesting. Hence Sheikh Mohamad Faisal whatever.

10. Is fascinated with the way people who make hideous clothes think

11. Is fascinated with the way people who make embarrassingly awkward TV commercials (Balang Kuih Are Wanted Rose/Minyak Kelapa Dara Bio-Asli/ Minyak Angin TYT/Coco Pie) think

12. Is quarter-deaf. Has difficulty in understanding spoken words

13. In spite of that, she could listen to indirect conversations/gossips without any problem

14. Has black-and-white syndrome. A person with this condition views that only black and white items stand out from the rest

15. Started composing songs at the age of 10. Started performing her own songs at the age of 12, during her primary school's Majlis Penyampaian Hadiah something

16. Finds herself attracted towards emo guys/girls and cutters

17. Hates guys who approach girls by making catcalls/ using lines such as "Hai awak, sorang je ke?", "Awak, awak ni cute la", "Hai awak, boleh saye teman?", "Hai, sape name?Leh mintak no tepon?" etc

18. Because of that, she wishes for all guys to have nineteenth century manners/ immense gallantry

19. Wears a sour and unfriendly face when going out alone to avoid said catcalls

20. Injuries, including cutting injuries, actually give her goosebumps

21. Loves pale lips looks, achieved by putting a small amount of foundation on the lips

22. Never missed voting on DJmag's Top 100 DJs Poll since 2004

23. Never missed voting for Paul van Dyk on the said poll since 2004

24. Loved Backstreet Boys at the age of 8, and Linkin Park at the age of 10

25. Has a collection of Baskin-Robbins spoons and Secret Recipe receipts

26. Has a total of 26 fangirling obsessions

27. Will not like the most popular character in a movie/book/manga. Example Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen

28.Secretly believes that Raphael Adams exists

29. Is very interested in traditional Malay music/arts

30. Puts a sachet of rose fragrance under her pillows. Try it - it makes your hair smells real good

31. Loves to comment/criticize while watching Malay movies/teledrama

32. Finds sadomasochism highly interesting >:P

33. Despite loving psychedelic trance to death, most of her composed songs are ambient/house music

34. Judges guys by their names. Loves guys with angelic names (Raphael, Raziel, Mikhail, Gabriel, Ariel, Nathaniel)

35. Is a part of the minority most of the time, except when it comes to buying shoes every 3 months

36. Comes up with new theories every week (known as Fatimah's Theory)

37. Strongly believes in modern medicine (hence pharmacy) but finds it bothersome to take medicine

38. Changes her trademark regularly. At one time it's Sekian Harap Maklum, and now it's alrighty

feel free to add anything that I've missed here